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City planners’ new designs include setting up schools, markets and commercial places (like office) in different areas of the city. Do you think it will help the city dwellers? v.1

City planners’ new designs include setting up schools, markets and commercial places (like office) in different areas of the city. Do you think it will help the city dwellers? v. 1
We live in the age when urban areas are developing extremely rapidly and the quality of the new cities is also on the rise. It can be seen, that significant amount of social infrastructure (like shopping centers, schools, universities, etc. ) is included on design plans of the today cities. This essay will figure out how this trend will influence on the local citizens of such places. I personally believe, that this development has a positive meaning and my reason will be given in the following paragraphs. Firstly, the construction of new apartment blocks with all required infrastructure can help to improve ecology. We can see that, individuals who live in traditional suburbs usually travel too much, because there are not enough universities, schools, supermarkets and hospitals in these places. This means higher level of usage of of personal vehicles or public transport, when cars produce emissions and pollute air. However, the opportunity to reach all needed services by step or bisycle can help to reduce the number of individual cars and to make the ecological situation better. Furthermore, the including of offices, educational services, and entertainment facilities in the new cities is expected to decrease the number of traffic jams in the future. It should be mentioned, that the lack of internal infrastructure will force people to travel to other parts of the city for work, studies or shopping and it will create additional traffic load in existing region. For instance, the intensive erection of new apartment blocks without all required infrastructure in Leningradskaya Oblast caused considerable traffic jams in Saint-Petersburg. In conclusion, the building of shopping malls, schools, offices and other facilities for future citizens can help to avoid problems with traffic and to decline the negative impact on the environment.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the age when urban areas are developing
extremely
rapidly
and the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is
also
on the rise. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, that significant amount of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
(like shopping centers, schools, universities, etc.
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
is included
on design plans of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. This essay will figure out how this trend will influence on the local citizens of such places. I
personally
believe, that this development has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
meaning and my reason will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, the construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
apartment blocks with all required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
ecology. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that, individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in traditional suburbs
usually
travel too much,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
universities, schools, supermarkets and hospitals in these places. This means higher level of usage
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
personal vehicles or public transport, when cars produce emissions and pollute air.
However
, the opportunity to reach all needed services by step or
Possible spelling mistake found.
bisycle
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of individual cars and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the ecological situation better.

Furthermore
, the including of offices, educational services, and entertainment facilities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to decrease the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jams in the future. It should
be mentioned
, that the lack of internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
will force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to travel to other parts of the city for work, studies or shopping and it will create additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
load in existing region.
For instance
, the intensive erection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
apartment blocks without all required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Leningradskaya
Oblast caused considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jams in Saint-Petersburg.

In conclusion
, the building of shopping malls, schools, offices and other facilities for future citizens can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to avoid problems with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and to decline the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the environment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay City planners’ new designs include setting up schools, markets and commercial places (like office) in different areas of the city. Do you think it will help the city dwellers? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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