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Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. To what extent do you agree to that? v.14

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. v. 14
Different individuals have their own opinion on leisure time utilisation by students. Critics may say that this period should be utilised for learning school subjects. However, I feel that they should be enrolled in various extra-curriculum classes in their free time. In this essay, we will analyse how this will help their psychological as well as physical development. To begin with, getting involved in other activities can boost the functioning of the brain. For instance, if young people opt for mind games such as Chess, it can help them to improve their thinking ability. This will not only enhance their cognitive performance but can also serve as the exercise for the brain. Thus, it is apparent that youngsters who prefer to perform such activities in the available spell will be mentally strong. In addition to this, performing outdoor activities allow these teenagers to carry out different body movements. A good illustration for this is the outdoor activities such as Volleyball, cricket and so on which involve a lot of running. Pupils participating in these games are forced to execute different body movements and thereby, this helps them to improve their physical wellbeing. Therefore, the benefits of spending an ideal time playing games are difficult to debunk. After analysing these areas, it is obvious that investing time in extra-curriculum will offer advantages with regards to the development of young people. It has now been shown that students should be registered in hobby classes instead of forcing them to concentrate only on schoolwork. It is thus hoped that apart from schools, the government will also encourage pupils to undertake such activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
individuals have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion on leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
by students. Critics may say that this period should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
for learning school subjects.
However
, I feel that they should
be enrolled
in various extra-curriculum classes in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In this essay, we will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
how this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their psychological
as well
as physical development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, getting involved in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can boost the functioning of the brain.
For instance
, if young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opt for mind games such as Chess, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their thinking ability. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance their cognitive performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
serve as the exercise for the brain.
Thus
, it is apparent that youngsters who prefer to perform such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the available spell will be mentally strong.

In addition
to this, performing outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to carry out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
body movements. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this is the outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as Volleyball, cricket and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on which involve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
running. Pupils participating in these games
are forced
to execute
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
body movements and thereby, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.
Therefore
, the benefits of spending an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing games are difficult to debunk.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
these areas, it is obvious that investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in extra-curriculum will offer advantages
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
the development of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
been shown
that students should
be registered
in hobby classes
instead
of forcing them to concentrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on schoolwork. It is
thus
hoped that apart from schools, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
also
encourage pupils to undertake such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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