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Junk food is quite harmful to our generation and we need an educated generation to stop it. Is education the answer to stop people from eating junk food? v.1

Junk food is quite harmful to our generation and we need an educated generation to stop it. Is education the answer to stop people from eating junk food? v. 1
Junk food has been claimed to be a fundamental factor to the escalating obesity epidemic around the world. Some argue that educating the society is an optimal solution to alleviate this worldwide issue. However, it is believed that persuading citizens through education is not likely to outweigh the central temptations that junk foods offer – its low price and convenience. This statement will be analysed in the following paragraphs, supported by relevant examples. Regardless of how the educational scheme is provided, the low priced meals sold by fast food outlets are not likely to lose its popularity. Most of the members of the low class or unemployed students, for instance, are inevitably attracted to eating cheap fast food due to their financial difficulties. Thus, unless governments subsidise citizens' living expenses or intervene to forcedly raise fast food price, education will have a feeble effect on discouraging people from consuming junk food. In addition, it should be noted that there is no practical substitution for junk food which can be prepared and sold quickly. This choice of diet perfectly fulfils modern workers' need to save time in the busy contemporary society. For example, even though my colleagues are aware of the negative aspects of junk food, they still eat from KFC since they simply do not have time to prepare a proper meal. This therefore clearly demonstrates that eradicating junk food consumption through education is not a realistic approach, but merely an action of informing people about what they already know. In conclusion, although one may think that educating individuals can convince people not to eat fast food, its low price and ability to offer a quick meal will continuously motivate them to visit fast food stores.
Junk
food
has
been claimed
to be a fundamental factor to the escalating obesity epidemic around the world.
Some
argue that educating the society is an optimal solution to alleviate this worldwide issue.
However
, it
is believed
that persuading citizens through education is not likely to outweigh the central temptations that
junk
foods
offer
its
low
price and convenience. This statement will be
analysed
in the following paragraphs, supported by relevant examples.

Regardless of how the educational scheme
is provided
, the
low
priced meals sold by
fast
food
outlets are not likely to lose its popularity. Most of the members of the
low
class
or unemployed students,
for instance
, are
inevitably
attracted to eating
cheap
fast
food
due to their financial difficulties.
Thus
, unless
governments
subsidise
citizens' living expenses or intervene to
forcedly
raise
fast
food
price, education will have a feeble effect on discouraging
people
from consuming
junk
food.

In addition
, it should
be noted
that there is no practical substitution for
junk
food
which can
be prepared
and sold
quickly
. This choice of diet
perfectly
fulfils
modern workers' need to save time in the busy contemporary society.
For example
,
even though
my colleagues are aware of the
negative
aspects of
junk
food
, they
still
eat from KFC since they
simply
do not have time to prepare a proper meal. This
therefore
clearly
demonstrates that eradicating
junk
food
consumption through education is not a realistic approach,
but
merely
an action of informing
people
about what they already know.

In conclusion
, although one may
think
that educating individuals can convince
people
not to eat
fast
food
, its
low
price and ability to offer a quick meal will
continuously
motivate them to visit
fast
food
stores.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Junk food is quite harmful to our generation and we need an educated generation to stop it. Is education the answer to stop people from eating junk food? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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