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In many countries, airplane tickets prices have dropped. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

In many countries, airplane tickets prices have dropped. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
In the past, commuting to foreign locations was difficult due to the expense involved in travel. However, with the advances in the technology, air travel was made available for the users at affordable rates. It is believed that decline in the air fare has a positive impact on the society. In this essay, we will analyse how this has boosted job availabilities and contributed towards deploying peace in the world. To begin with, this kind of activity has enabled a large number of customers to travel abroad. As a consequence, demand for employees increased in the field of tourism and thereby, job opportunities were created for people interested in this field. In other words, a decrease in the cost of air ticket played a crucial role in the improvement of employment statistics around the world. Thus, it is apparent that drop in this fare has a direct impact on the increase in the work engagements for the needy. In addition to this, low fare allows people to travel abroad for fulfilling their employment or education needs. This, in turn, allows them to get familiar with the culture of hosting country and hence, helps them to develop respect for inhabitants of that country. As a result, the chances of communal riots are decreased to a greater extent enabling people to live in peace. Therefore, the theory that reduced travel fares have helped individuals to stay in harmony is difficult to debunk. After analysing the areas of benefits for the society, it is clear that drop of ticket rate has benefited humans in various ways. As is proven that reduced airfare results in the positive outcome for the society. It is thus expected that government will put efforts to maintain the tickets rates at lower so that maximum travellers can take advantage of the same.
In the past, commuting to foreign locations was difficult due to the expense involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
.
However
, with the advances in the technology, air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
was made
available for the users at affordable rates. It
is believed
that decline in the air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fare
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the society. In this essay, we will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
how this has boosted job availabilities and contributed towards deploying peace in the world.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, this kind of activity has enabled
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
customers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
abroad. As a consequence, demand for employees increased in the field of tourism and thereby, job opportunities
were created
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
interested in this field.
In other words
, a decrease in the cost of air ticket played a crucial role in the improvement of employment statistics around the world.
Thus
, it is apparent that drop in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fare
has a direct impact on the increase in the work engagements for the needy.

In addition
to this, low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fare
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
abroad for fulfilling their employment or education needs. This, in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with the culture of hosting country and
hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to develop respect for inhabitants of that country.
As a result
, the chances of communal riots
are decreased
to a greater extent enabling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in peace.
Therefore
, the theory that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fares
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
individuals to stay in harmony is difficult to debunk.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the areas of benefits for the society, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that drop of ticket rate has benefited humans in various ways. As
is proven
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
airfare results in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome for the society. It is
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will put efforts to maintain the tickets rates at lower
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that maximum
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
can take advantage of the same.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In many countries, airplane tickets prices have dropped. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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