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Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. To what extent do you agree to that? v.13

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. v. 13
Many people think that modern children have an abundance of free time and doing more school work in their free time is necessary. As parents, being concerned about children's grades and studies is natural but overpressuring them to study and get top grades might backfire. Children's leisure activity should be fun yet interesting which will eventually teach them important lessons and make them more creative. Schoolwork is definitely important. But if children are forced to study all day long without having enough time for recreation or refreshment, it will increase their stress level and negatively affect their physical and cognitive development in later stages of their lives. I believe, free time means a child should be allowed to do things that our of their normal routine. For children, it can be playing sports in the playground or a park with other kids of their age. This will teach them how to be a team player and enhance their social skills. They can also play educative video games for a few minutes and watch cartoon shows. Besides, practising a hobby sounds impressive to me. For this, a family should be open-minded and try to find the hidden talents of their offsprings. I believe that not all children are born with particular talents. It is our duty as parents, teachers and relatives who motivate them and engaging them in extracurricular activities such as drawing, dancing, singing etc are also necessary. We have to understand that an unsocial adolescent with good academic grades cannot make much impact on our society and cannot climb the professional success. In conclusion, even though studying and preparing for exams is very important for the future of a child, we should not enforce them to be occupied with it all the time. Instead, various social, fun and creative activities in free time will make them more prepared for the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have an abundance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and doing more school work in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is necessary. As parents,
being concerned
about children's grades and studies is natural
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
overpressuring
them to study and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
top grades might backfire. Children's leisure activity should be fun
yet
interesting which will
eventually
teach them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lessons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more creative.

Schoolwork is definitely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are forced
to study all day long without having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for recreation or refreshment, it will increase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level and
negatively
affect their physical and cognitive development in later stages of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
means a child should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do things that our of their normal routine.

For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it can be playing sports in the playground or a park with other kids of their age. This will teach them how to be a team player and enhance their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They can
also
play educative video games for a few minutes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cartoon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
Besides
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
a hobby sounds impressive to me. For this, a family should be open-minded and try to find the hidden talents of their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
. I believe that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are born
with particular talents. It is our duty as parents, teachers and relatives who motivate them and engaging them in extracurricular activities such as drawing, dancing, singing etc are
also
necessary. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand that an unsocial adolescent with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic grades cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
much impact on our society and cannot climb the professional success.

In conclusion
,
even though
studying and preparing for exams is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the future of a child, we should not enforce them to
be occupied
with it all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Instead
, various social, fun and creative activities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more prepared for the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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