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Some people believe that charity organizations should be help people wherever they live, others think they should attend their countries only. Discuss both and give your opinion v.2

Some people believe that charity organizations should be help people wherever they live, others think they should attend their countries only. 2
In the modern era, an increasing concern for many people around the world is obviously the poverty. Despite of the wealthy countries there are a lot of different of poor countries and society. Furthermore, one part of volunteers which is leaving in the developed countries supporting to this people. However, the people divided to 2 different section about this idea. In this essay I will examine both side of arguments and provide will my overall opinion. Generally speaking, each government have to be meet the requirements to their community. This basic requirements should be covered of accommodation, provide healthy system without charge, education and security. This definition is social government. Furthermore, just helping the certain group of people is not equal for humanity. Therefore, some developed countries, when reducing the their unhealthy conditions for people they be able to help other countries on the world. Some charity establishment is supporting to this idea. For example, in the Turkey government provide the equal life for Africa. Constantly, the people in the Turkey saving money for funding, collect to basic foods and second hand or new clothes and sending toward country. And also, secondly this establishment calling the people around the world such as a doctor, teacher. Within this individuals the people which in living the poor countries might be find the some vital assist. Furthermore, with this helping the each person could be learn the how they are lucky relevant to their life. For illustration, the young people such as a child or student be able learn to how becoming good person. These are obviously, positive side for the all society on the world. Another view of opinion for this issue, some part of people believing to each establishment must be provide to help for their peoples. They claims this people becoming more and more lazy with this helps. For illustration, the homeless people, we don’t have to help this people. Instead of this help we could be find the job for this people. Likely, they could be improve their self by this way. Therefore, Such as an Africa, why we should send to food? Instead of this charity we can teach to them for agriculture. In conclusion, I partially agree the both sides of arguments. However, obviously it’s not meaning to we shouldn’t stop the sending some basic affairs. Moreover, we can increase the education with other charity.
In the modern era, an increasing concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world is
obviously
the poverty.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and society.
Furthermore
, one part of volunteers which is leaving in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
supporting to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
divided to 2
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible agreement error. The noun 'section' seems to be countable, so consider using: "sections".
section
about this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. In this essay I will examine both side of arguments and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
will my
overall
opinion.

Generally
speaking, each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the requirements to their community. This basic requirements should
be covered
of accommodation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
healthy system without charge, education and security. This definition is social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
helping the certain group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is not equal for humanity.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, when reducing
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their unhealthy" or "the unhealthy"?
the their unhealthy
conditions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
on the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
charity establishment is supporting to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
For example
, in the Turkey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the equal life for Africa.
Constantly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the Turkey saving money for funding, collect to basic foods and second hand or new clothes and sending toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. And
also
,
secondly
this establishment calling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world such as a doctor, teacher. Within
Did you mean "these"?
this
individuals the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which in living the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
might be
Consider using a past participle here: "found".
find
the
Did you mean "same"?
some
vital assist.
Furthermore
, with this helping
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
person could be
Consider using the past participle "learned", "learnt"?
learn
Did you mean "how"?
the how
they are lucky relevant to their life. For illustration, the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as a child or student be
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'learn'.
able learn
to how becoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person. These are
obviously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side for the all society on the world.

Another view of opinion for this issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believing to each establishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Consider using the past participle "provided"?
provide
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
. They
The pronoun 'They' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "claim"
claims
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming more and more lazy with
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
. For illustration, the homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Instead
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
we could be
Consider using a past participle here: "found".
find
the job for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Likely, they could be
Consider using the past participle "improved"?
improve
their self by this way.
Therefore
, Such as an Africa, why we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
to food?
Instead
of this charity we can teach to them for agriculture.

In conclusion
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the both sides of arguments.
However
,
obviously
it’s not meaning to we shouldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the sending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic affairs.
Moreover
, we can increase the education with other charity.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that charity organizations should be help people wherever they live, others think they should attend their countries only. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
398 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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