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There are many zoos in the world. What are the benefits and drawbacks of keeping animals in zoos. v.1

There are many zoos in the world. What are the benefits and drawbacks of keeping animals in zoos. v. 1
It is true that more and more zoos have been erecting all over the world in many recent years, resusting in vigorous debate whether this is the positive tendency. In my opinion, while offering numerous evident benefits, drawbacks could overshadow in the long run. On the one hand, there are two main advantages stemming from opening more zoos. Firstly, more profit could be generated, meaning that this amount of money would be donated partially in organisations which play an important role in protecting animals such as PETA, the largest organisation in the world. Therefore, the more money patronized from zoo activities, the more efficiency these organisations could operate. Secondly, it is fair to say that zoo could draw residents attention. It means that authorities, consequently, could make the most of this to teach inhabitants how to preserve and appreciate nature. As a result, thanks to zoo activities, humankind would an deeper insights into animal kingdom and be willing to be involved more in animal protection activities. On the other hand, I would argue that these above-mentioned benefits could be overshadowed by the tangible and severe drawbacks, which negatively affect on not only animal behaviours, but also fall them prey to mental diseases. It is evident that zoos would, inevitably, preclude animal natural behaviour patterns, giving rise to many underlying repercussions. Overdependence, for instance, could be the major problem of such captive animals. They have been acclimatized to convenient life which they enjoy in zoos so that they have almost lost all survival skills when it comes to living in natural habitats. Additionally, it is wrong to say that zoos are ideal places to provide shelters for extinct species due to the fact that a majority of zoos have been exploiting other animals, which are not endangered, just because of profit. Such captive-bred species, as a consequence, would suffer from psychological problems or even self-destructive behaviours like bar-bitting and self-mutilation if they live in such cages without freedom. In conclusion, it seems to me that capturing animals in zoos could bring various disadvantages, which would overshadow these benefits.
It is true that more and more zoos have been erecting all over the world in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
recent years,
Possible spelling mistake found.
resusting
in vigorous debate whether this is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
tendency. In my opinion, while offering numerous evident benefits, drawbacks could overshadow in the long run.

On the one hand, there are two main advantages stemming from opening more zoos.
Firstly
, more profit could
be generated
, meaning that this amount of money would
be donated
partially
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
which play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
such as PETA, the largest
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
in the world.
Therefore
, the more money patronized from zoo activities, the more efficiency these
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
could operate.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to say that zoo could draw residents attention. It means that authorities,
consequently
, could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most of this to teach inhabitants how to preserve and appreciate nature.
As a result
, thanks to zoo activities, humankind would
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
deeper insights into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
kingdom and be willing to
be involved
more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protection activities.

On the other hand
, I would argue that these above-mentioned benefits could
be overshadowed
by the tangible and severe drawbacks, which
negatively
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
fall them prey to mental diseases. It is evident that zoos would,
inevitably
, preclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
natural
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
patterns, giving rise to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
underlying repercussions.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Overdependence
,
for instance
, could be the major problem of such captive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. They have
been acclimatized
to convenient life which they enjoy in zoos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they have almost lost all survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to living in natural habitats.
Additionally
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to say that zoos are ideal places to provide shelters for extinct species due to the fact that a majority of zoos have been exploiting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, which are not endangered,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of profit. Such captive-bred species, as a consequence, would suffer from psychological problems or even self-destructive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
bar-bitting
and self-mutilation if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in such cages without freedom.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that capturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos could bring various disadvantages, which would overshadow these benefits.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many zoos in the world. What are the benefits and drawbacks of keeping animals in zoos. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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