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Is there any value in studying academic subjects that are not useful in terms of generating wealth for the country? v.4

Is there any value in studying academic subjects that are not useful in terms of generating wealth for the country? v. 4
There is a controversial issue about the importance of teaching academic subjects. Some teachers say that they are significant to study as much as maths and physics, while painters believe that they are waste of time and effort. In this essay, I will consider both points of view and agree with the idea of great importance of art in producing income. Let us start with the reasons why some teachers in art state that learning academic courses is beneficial for the economy. The first reason is that art normally contributes to the development of tourism. Most tourists readily spend much money in countries, where they can enjoy local culture, so students should learn art subjects to keep their country appealing to visitors. Another reason is that physical education keeps the majority of workforce healthy. Subjects, which train people to stay physically active, often spare a great deal of health expenditure for the country, because people both address to hospital rarely and become more productive at work. Furthermore, the work of art is frequently in high demand in the market. Many private collectors are willing to pay any cost for the masterpieces of unfamiliar artists, since over time they can sell them at much higher prices, when they become prominent. However, some painters claim that completing many academic disciplines bring little profit to artists and governments. They justify their opinion with the following arguments. Firstly, unemployment rate among people with academic degrees is on the rise. More artists cannot find employment in art-related fields after graduation, because many employers are oriented on hiring people majored in engineering as well as business. Secondly, many art amenities are financially inefficient. Today, people usually show little interest in art, because they work hard and find rest in gadgets. As a result, many theaters, museums and galleries not only generate little income to the government, but also they often need extra funding. Moreover, many artists usually live in poverty. Many artists chronically experienced a lack of money, as they can seldom sell their work, but they need to support their family. Therefore, they often re-study for non-academic degree, such as engineering and computer science to improve their career opportunity. In conclusion, even though some painters argue that studying academic subjects creates little benefit to both the country and individuals, I think that people should also graduate in them, because them indirectly bring considerable value to all.
There is a controversial issue about the importance of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
teachers say that they are significant to study as much as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and physics, while painters believe that they are waste of time and effort. In this essay, I will consider both points of view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of great importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in producing income.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teachers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
state that learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
courses is beneficial for the economy. The
first
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
normally
contributes to the development of tourism. Most tourists
readily
spend much money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, where they can enjoy local culture,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
students should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
appealing to visitors. Another reason is that physical education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the majority of workforce healthy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Subjects
, which train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay
physically
active,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spare a great deal of health expenditure for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
both address to hospital rarely and become more productive at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
frequently
in high demand in the market.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
private collectors are willing to pay any cost for the masterpieces of unfamiliar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, since over time they can sell them at much higher prices, when they become prominent.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
painters claim that completing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
disciplines bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
little
profit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. They justify their opinion with the following arguments.
Firstly
, unemployment rate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
degrees is on the rise. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
cannot find employment in art-related fields after graduation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers
are oriented
on hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
majored in engineering
as well
as business.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
amenities are
financially
inefficient.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
little
interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and find rest in gadgets.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
theaters, museums and galleries not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
little
income to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
need extra funding.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
chronically
experienced a lack of money, as they can seldom sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they need to support their family.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
re-study for non-academic degree, such as engineering and computer science to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their career opportunity.

In conclusion
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
painters argue that studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
creates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
little
benefit to both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and individuals, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
graduate in them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
them
indirectly
bring considerable value to all.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Is there any value in studying academic subjects that are not useful in terms of generating wealth for the country? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
401 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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