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Some people believe that an academic education is important for young people. Others believe that experience of the real world and travel is more beneficial. Discuss both views then give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that an academic education is important for young people. Others believe that experience of the real world and travel is more beneficial. v. 2
Some individuals believe that an academic education is crucial for young people, while others adhere to the idea that real life experience is more useful. Although the second point certainly has some merits, there is perhaps a stronger argument to be made for the first opinion. Primarily, being successful and efficient in contemporary society is largely unthinkable without an academic education. In fact, almost all jobs require from an employee some degree of literacy and numeracy. In other words, not having a strong educational background often means not being able to find a decent, well-paid job. At the same time, there are many people who claim that real-life experience is more beneficial, as a young person who travels abroad and lives on his or her own might well develop strong personal characteristics. In other words, facing reality can forge character and will. However, it is important to understand that strong will and character is formed by difficulties and problems which a person overcomes. As such, there is no need to travel overseas to get life experience, as similar challenges can be faced while studying for a degree. To sum up, an academic education is a prerequisite nowadays, and may be perceived as something of an essential requirement. Of course, life experience is necessary as well, but this can also be attained while studying.
Some
individuals believe that an academic education is crucial for young
people
, while others adhere to the
idea
that real life
experience
is more useful. Although the second point
certainly
has
some
merits, there is perhaps a stronger argument to
be made
for the
first
opinion.

Primarily
, being successful and efficient in contemporary society is
largely
unthinkable without an academic education. In fact, almost all jobs require from an employee
some
degree of literacy and numeracy.
In other words
, not having a strong educational background
often
means not being able to find a decent, well-paid job.

At the same time, there are
many
people
who claim that real-life
experience
is more beneficial, as a young person who travels abroad and
lives
on
his or her
own
might well develop strong personal characteristics.
In other words
, facing reality can forge character and will.
However
, it is
important
to understand that strong will and character
is formed
by difficulties and problems which a person overcomes. As such, there is no need to travel overseas to
get
life
experience
, as similar challenges can
be faced
while studying for a degree.

To sum up, an academic education is a prerequisite nowadays, and may
be perceived
as something of an essential requirement.
Of course
, life
experience
is necessary
as well
,
but
this can
also
be attained
while studying.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that an academic education is important for young people. Others believe that experience of the real world and travel is more beneficial. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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