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Some people believe that all the children in school are required to learn at least one foreign language. However, others say that those who are not talented do not have to learn. What is your opinion? v.3

Some people believe that all the children in school are required to learn at least one foreign language. However, others say that those who are not talented do not have to learn. What is your opinion? v. 3
Some schools of thought assert that it is compulsory for children to learn a new language in school while the others believe children without talent should be immune from that. this is a controversial issue regarding the essential of learning foreign languages, and labelling students in class. To begin with, weighing role of a new language affects on children is critical. Knowing a new language rather than the mother tongue allows children to communicate with the foreigners. Therefore, young people can socialize, open the networks and make friends with those come from many parts of the world. Furthermore, there are also several opportunities such as studying abroad with a scholarship or working in a foreign country are provided to students with foreign language ability. For instance, many young Vietnamese students who successfully won scholarships from various universities in the U. S, due to the ability of fluently using English. Additionally, scientific researches have proved that learning another language enhance the brain performance to certain extent, and by virtue of that, the children capacity is also improve in a general scale. Despite such benefits from learning a foreign language, the act of labelling students in the case of young learners who is not success in learning language is unacceptable and irresponsible. The discouragement that those received may be harmful to the overall development of them in the future. Weak students may leave school in early stage of life because of that, and hence, this must be eliminated at all cost. In turn, it is critical point out to the young generations the necessary of acquiring another language as this may nurture the love of learning languages in each children. To conclude, students should be encouraged to learn another language for their own benefits rather than applying enforcement on all or discouragement on less talented learners.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
assert that it is compulsory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in school while the others believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without talent should be immune from that.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is a controversial issue regarding the essential of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, and labelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, weighing role of a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
affects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is critical. Knowing a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
rather
than the mother tongue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to communicate with the foreigners.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can socialize, open the networks and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world.
Furthermore
, there are
also
several opportunities such as studying abroad with a scholarship or working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
country
are provided
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
ability.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
successfully
won scholarships from various universities in the U. S, due to the ability of
fluently
using English.
Additionally
, scientific researches have proved that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
enhance the brain performance to certain extent, and by virtue of that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
capacity is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "improved".
improve
in a general scale.

Despite such benefits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, the act of labelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
learners who is not success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is unacceptable and irresponsible. The discouragement that those received may be harmful to the
overall
development of them in the future. Weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
school in early stage of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that, and
hence
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be eliminated
at all cost. In turn, it is critical point out to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations the necessary of acquiring another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as this may nurture the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be encouraged
to learn another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits
rather
than applying enforcement on all or discouragement on less talented learners.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that all the children in school are required to learn at least one foreign language. However, others say that those who are not talented do not have to learn. What is your opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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