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Some believe that those who are not talented in language learning should not be required to learn a foreign language. Do you think school should require students to learn a foreign language? v.1

Some believe that those who are not talented in language learning should not be required to learn a foreign language. Do you think school should require students to learn a foreign language? v. 1
TODAY'S INNOVATION IN TECHNOLOGY HAS BEEN INCREASING DAY BY DAY. CERATIN FOLKS ARE BECOMING MORE CURIOUS TO BUY THOSE NEW ELECTRONIC DEVICES. FIRSTLY, THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS HOW THIS HABITS CONSIDERED AS A DETRIMENTAL ACCORDING TO ME AND SECONDLY, GIVE A MAJOR REASON OF HAVING AFFECTION TO BUY A LATEST ANY HIGH TECH MACHINE. LASTLY, STATE THE OPINION IN THE FAVOR OF USING THE ELECTRONIC APPLIANCE AS PER THE REQUIREMENT. ON THE ONE HAND, FREQUENTLY BUYING NEW GADGET MAY HAVE IMPACT ON MENTAL HEALTH SUCH AS ADDITION TO THE DEVICE AND THIS MAY LEAD TO AFFECT THEIR EYE SIGHT AND INTTELEGENT, CONSEQUENTLY THE DEVICES RELEASE SOME INFRARED RAYS WHICH IS LIFE THRETENING ESPECIALLY FOR THE ADOLESCENCE. FOR INSTANCE, THE OXFORAD UNIVERSITY STUDIES IN THE 2019 REPORTED THAT 60% OF THE ADULTS HAVE ADICTION TO THE MOBILE PHONE OR TABLET, CONSEQUENTLY THEY DEVELOPED SERIOUS FITNESS ISSUES AT A VERY EARLY AGE. ON THE OTHER HAND, BUYING A NEW PHONE AND LEARNING ABOUT IT USEFULL AT SOMEPOINT FOR AN INDIVIDUAL, BECAUSE BY DOING THIS HE IS TRYING TO CO-OPERATE WITH THE MODEREN WORLD. AS IT IS NEEDED TO SURVIVE IN THE SOCIETY. FOR EXAMPLE, AS PER THE NEW REPORT OF THE INDIA TIME, 70% OF PEOLE USED TO BUY A NEW PHONE TO MAKE THEIR LIFE MORE EFFORLESS AND TO MAINTAIN THE SOCIAL STATUS IN THE SOCIETY. ACCORDING TO MY THOUGHT, I BELIEVE WHEN GADGET IS USED AS PER THE NEDDS, IT DOES NOT AFFECT THE HEALTH AS MUCH AS ADDICTION DOES AND ALSO IT IS PRECIOUS TO HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE OF HOW IT WORKS IN THIS CONTEMPORARY WORLD. IN CONCLUSION, BUYING A LATEST ELECTRONIC DEVICE IS A BENEFIACIL AT SOME POINT, HOWEVER, ONE SHOULD NEVER BEGOTIATE THE CONSEQUENCES BEING HABITUAL TO THIS TREND. AS A RESULT, THIS MIGHT DECLINED THE DANGEROUS WELLNESS PROBLEM AMONG THE CIVILIAN.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TODAY
'S INNOVATION IN TECHNOLOGY HAS BEEN INCREASING DAY BY DAY.
Possible spelling mistake found.
CERATIN
FOLKS ARE BECOMING MORE CURIOUS TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BUY
THOSE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
ELECTRONIC
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
DEVICES
.
FIRSTLY
, THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS HOW
Did you mean "these"?
THIS
HABITS CONSIDERED AS A DETRIMENTAL ACCORDING TO ME AND
SECONDLY
, GIVE A MAJOR REASON OF HAVING AFFECTION TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BUY
Use "the" with the superlative.
A
LATEST ANY HIGH TECH MACHINE.
LASTLY
, STATE THE OPINION IN THE FAVOR OF USING THE ELECTRONIC APPLIANCE AS PER THE REQUIREMENT.

ON THE ONE HAND,
FREQUENTLY
BUYING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
GADGET MAY HAVE IMPACT ON MENTAL HEALTH SUCH AS ADDITION TO THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
DEVICE
AND THIS MAY LEAD TO AFFECT THEIR
This word is usually spelt together: "EYEsIGHT".
EYE SIGHT
AND
Possible spelling mistake found.
INTTELEGENT
,
CONSEQUENTLY
THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
DEVICES
RELEASE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
INFRARED RAYS WHICH IS LIFE
Possible spelling mistake found.
THRETENING
ESPECIALLY
FOR THE ADOLESCENCE.
FOR INSTANCE
, THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
OXFORAD
UNIVERSITY STUDIES IN THE 2019 REPORTED THAT 60% OF THE ADULTS HAVE
Possible spelling mistake found.
ADICTION
TO THE MOBILE PHONE OR TABLET,
CONSEQUENTLY
THEY DEVELOPED SERIOUS FITNESS ISSUES AT A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
EARLY AGE.

ON THE OTHER HAND
, BUYING A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
PHONE AND LEARNING ABOUT IT
Possible spelling mistake found.
USEFULL AT
Possible spelling mistake found.
SOMEPOINT
FOR AN INDIVIDUAL,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
BY DOING THIS HE IS TRYING TO CO-OPERATE WITH THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
MODEREN
WORLD. AS IT
IS NEEDED
TO SURVIVE IN THE SOCIETY.
FOR EXAMPLE
, AS PER THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
REPORT OF THE INDIA TIME, 70% OF
Possible spelling mistake found.
PEOLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USED
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BUY
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
PHONE TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
THEIR LIFE MORE
Possible spelling mistake found.
EFFORLESS
AND TO MAINTAIN THE SOCIAL STATUS IN THE SOCIETY.

ACCORDING TO MY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THOUGHT
, I BELIEVE WHEN GADGET IS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USED
AS PER THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
NEDDS
, IT DOES NOT AFFECT THE HEALTH AS MUCH AS ADDICTION DOES AND
ALSO
IT IS PRECIOUS TO HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE OF HOW IT WORKS IN THIS CONTEMPORARY WORLD.

IN CONCLUSION
, BUYING
Use "the" with the superlative.
A
LATEST ELECTRONIC
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
DEVICE
IS A
Possible spelling mistake found.
BENEFIACIL
AT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
POINT,
HOWEVER
, ONE SHOULD NEVER
Possible spelling mistake found.
BEGOTIATE
THE CONSEQUENCES BEING HABITUAL TO THIS TREND.
AS A RESULT
, THIS MIGHT DECLINED THE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DANGEROUS
WELLNESS PROBLEM AMONG THE CIVILIAN.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some believe that those who are not talented in language learning should not be required to learn a foreign language. Do you think school should require students to learn a foreign language? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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