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Some people think that Books are losing as a source of information and entertainment. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that Books are losing as a source of information and entertainment. v. 2
It is argued that the importance of books as informational and entertaining the people has decreased in recent years. I agree with that statement because technology has become the major source of information and there are other various source of entertainment that people prefer these days. To begin, people can get more information in an online rather than in books and it is more easy way to get. They can get every latest news in touch of a button, which is really convenient and time saving. As a result, they feel bore to consult the books as they find the internet more valuable and percentage of people reading books has decreased in these days. For example, a recent survey conducted in one library found that people using books have declined by more than 50% in comparison with 5 years before. That’s why, easy access to internet has fallen to the number of people reading books. Secondly, people are well informed in other kinds of sources as their recreational activity. There are different activities like swimming and playing games, which is beneficial to their health as well. Concerning about their health, they prefer more outdoor activities rather than indoor like reading books. Moreover, people enjoy watching different television programs and shows as entertainment. For instance, more than 80% people love watching funny videos either in tv or YouTube channel to have some laugh. Therefore, people take more interest in other activities for entertainment than studying the books. In conclusion, I strongly agree that people reading books have decreased nowadays because they find technology as a good source of information and they like other activities for their entertainment, which was only books in the past.
It
is argued
that the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as informational and entertaining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has decreased in recent years. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
technology has become the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of information and there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
various
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "sources"?
source
of entertainment that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer these days.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more information in an online
rather
than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and it is more easy way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
every latest news in touch of a button, which is
really
convenient and time saving.
As a result
, they feel bore to consult the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as they find the internet more valuable and percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
has decreased in these days.
For example
, a recent survey conducted in one library found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
have declined by more than 50%
in comparison
with 5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. That’s why, easy access to internet has fallen to the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
books.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
as their recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like swimming and playing games, which is beneficial to their health
as well
. Concerning about their health, they prefer more outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
rather
than indoor like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
television programs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
as entertainment.
For instance
, more than 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
videos either in
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
or YouTube channel to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laugh.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take more interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for entertainment than studying the books.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
have decreased nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they find technology as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
information and
they like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for their entertainment, which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in the past.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that Books are losing as a source of information and entertainment. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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