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Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today's society. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.6

Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today's society. v. 6
Some people believe that some of advertising techniques are not appropriate in today's modern society. I completely agree that immoral advertisement oversteps boundaries and cause a threat to citizen's privacy. Firstly, overloaded advertising information will have a negative effect on people's daily life. For example, if someone go to on-line shopping website to research something they want to buy, some shops will catch the opportunity to send the message about products to the potential consumer. Consequently, people are distracted by useless advertisement information. It's a waste of time. Furthermore, the online shop sellers are not allowed to get the potential consumer's cellphone number. It is unethical to get others' personal information without any permission. As a result, it will cause troubles for others, such as blackmail calls. People won't feel secure if their personal information is used on purpose. Secondly, advertising is not always trustable. For example, everywhere people will notice advertisement posters that are too good to be true, such as losing 10kg in 30 days or getting taller with magic shoes. This type of advertising is unacceptable, as it encourages people to believe non-scientific things. Citizens won't take time time to consider how could they have balanced diet, work out and lose weight. Instead, they would prefer to trust advertisments. Our society will be full of lies, and not be trustable at all. To conclude, it is clear that moral and trustable advertising needs to be encouraged in people's daily lives. Otherwise, it would have a negative long-term effect on today's society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
Consider using "some advertising" or "some of the advertising".
some of advertising
techniques are not appropriate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern society. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that immoral advertisement oversteps boundaries and cause a threat to citizen's privacy.

Firstly
, overloaded advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's daily life.
For example
, if someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "goes", "went".
go
to on-line shopping website to research something they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
shops will catch the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the message about products to the potential consumer.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are distracted
by useless advertisement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. It's a waste of time.
Furthermore
, the online shop sellers are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the potential consumer's cellphone number. It is unethical to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
others' personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
without any permission.
As a result
, it will cause troubles for others, such as blackmail calls.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
won't feel secure if their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on purpose.

Secondly
, advertising is not always trustable.
For example
, everywhere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will notice advertisement posters that are too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to be true, such as losing
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "10 kg"
10kg
in 30 days or getting taller with magic shoes. This type of advertising is unacceptable, as it encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to believe non-scientific things. Citizens won't take
Possible typo: you repeated a word
time time
to consider how could they have balanced diet, work out and lose weight.
Instead
, they would prefer to trust
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertisments
. Our society will be full of lies, and not be trustable at all.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that moral and trustable advertising needs to
be encouraged
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Otherwise
, it would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
long-term effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today's society. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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