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some people believe that after child enters School their teachers influence more than the parents to what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

some people believe that after child enters School their teachers influence more than the parents v. 1
Some people are of the opinion that that when children enter to educational atmosphere they obey their teacher more than their parents. I definitely agree with this opinion. Naturally, the significant amount of children’s time is devoted to training atmosphere after they reach the formal age of commencing education. Since students are involved with the process of learning by curriculum planning, their latent aptitude in manifold aspects can be divulged which their teacher can embark these capabilities in various affairs. If practical and tremendous methods were utilized by their teacher, amazing achievements would be acquired for pupils in their vocational life. Take some students have intense passion for artistic activities in which their teachers can broach this reality to their parents as an example; parents can pursue these natural tendency to assist their children. Thus, teachers play a crucial role in discovering the natural faculty of students. Although other assert that children be nurtured by their parents from infancy and the impression of parental contribution can not be neglected, considerable social behaviours of children are instilled into them after the formal age of education. It is crystal clear that children take part in numerous collaborative activities in school under the supervision of their teachers that several life long habits can be taught to them. Since teaching long standing social expertise by taking part in social gatherings can be mentioned as an appropriate way to reach this target, teachers can use this nurturing environment to have a great influence on children. For instance, their ability to cooperate with peers can be strengthened by taking part in collective activities. Educational environment and activities along with it, hence, can play as an educational assistance for teachers to acquire the attention of children for flourishing them in their adult life. In conclusion, in my perspective huge portion of children’s time which is spent in school as well as curriculum activities prepare the foundation of intimacy between teachers and pupils which ultimately teachers can have much more impression on them in comparison with their parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enter to educational atmosphere they obey their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
more than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

Naturally
, the significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
time
is devoted
to training atmosphere after they reach the formal age of commencing education. Since students
are involved
with the process of learning by curriculum planning, their latent aptitude in manifold aspects can
be divulged
which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
can embark these capabilities in various affairs. If practical and tremendous methods
were utilized
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
, amazing achievements would
be acquired
for pupils in their vocational life. Take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students have intense passion for artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can broach this reality to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as an example;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can pursue these natural tendency to assist their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play a crucial role in discovering the natural faculty of students.

Although other assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be nurtured
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
from infancy and the impression of parental contribution can not
be neglected
, considerable social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are instilled
into them after the formal age of education. It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in numerous collaborative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in school under the supervision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
that several life long habits can
be taught
to them. Since teaching
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long standing
social expertise by taking part in social gatherings can
be mentioned
as an appropriate way to reach this target,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this nurturing environment to have a great influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, their ability to cooperate with peers can
be strengthened
by taking part in collective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Educational environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
along with it,
hence
, can play as an educational assistance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to acquire the attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for flourishing them in their adult life.

In conclusion
, in my perspective huge portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
time which
is spent
in school
as well
as curriculum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
prepare the foundation of intimacy between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and pupils which
ultimately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can have much more impression on them
in comparison
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe that after child enters School their teachers influence more than the parents v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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