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Some people believe that advertising has a strong effect on a person’s decision-making process. Others feel that it has little or no real impact. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.3

Some people believe that advertising has a strong effect on a person’s decision-making process. Others feel that it has little or no real impact. v. 3
The development of businesses has given a rise to the growing number of advertisements that can be seen in streets, media and in everywhere. Now, there is a hot debate that whether advertising has influence on people’s decisions or not any considerable effect. In my opinion, the former view is well-founded, yet the latter seems to be rather unreasonable. One the one hand, the proponents of the perspective that advertising does not play an essential role during decision making, claim that commercials and advertisements only provide useful details regarding the newly launched products as well as apprise the people about the range of choices they have. Therefore, individuals consider and analyse all the variants that are offered to them by advertising agencies and make their own decisions by themselves. That is why they advocate the viewpoint that commercial do not impact on their opinions since these agencies utilize advertisements with the intention of raising their brand awareness amongst customers. However, others, including me, believe that the commercials have an indisputable effect on our thoughts. As an obvious example to this argument, if cosmetics products are advertised with an infamous person, surely the company could not reach to the great deal of customers regardless of the quality of its products. On the other hand, if the commercial agency would use the image of celebrities on its commodities, then it would lead to massive purchasing by customers and enhance the selling figures. To be more specific, from the basic celebrity endorsement example, it could be inferred that people’s decisions are flexible and could be influenced by employing famous people for stimulating the clients to buy the products. To sum up, while some people argue that the advertising corporations do not impact on their decisions, I totally feel that these companies have quiet powerful influence on our minds.
The development of businesses has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a rise to the growing number of advertisements that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in streets, media and in everywhere.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, there is a hot debate that whether advertising has influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
or not any considerable effect. In my opinion, the former view is well-founded,
yet
the latter seems to be
rather
unreasonable.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, the proponents of the perspective that advertising does not play an essential role during
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
, claim that commercials and advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
regarding the
newly
launched products
as well
as apprise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the range of choices they have.
Therefore
, individuals consider and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
all the variants that
are offered
to them by advertising agencies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
by themselves.
That is
why they advocate the viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
do not impact on their opinions since these agencies utilize advertisements with the intention of raising their brand awareness amongst customers.

However
, others, including me, believe that the commercials have an indisputable effect on our thoughts. As an obvious example to this argument, if cosmetics products
are advertised
with an infamous person,
surely
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
could not reach to the great deal of customers regardless of the quality of its products.
On the other hand
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
agency would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the image of celebrities on its commodities, then it would lead to massive purchasing by customers and enhance the selling figures. To be more specific, from the basic celebrity endorsement example, it could
be inferred
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
are flexible and could
be influenced
by employing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for stimulating the clients to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the products.

To sum up, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the advertising corporations do not impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
, I
totally
feel that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have quiet powerful influence on our minds.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that advertising has a strong effect on a person’s decision-making process. Others feel that it has little or no real impact. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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