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In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. To what extent should children have to follow rules? v.2

In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. v. 2
There is no doubt that education and the learning process changed since the introduction of computers: The search for information has become easier and amusing, and connectivity has expedited the data availability. Though experts systems have made computers more intelligent, they have not yet become a substitute of the human interaction in the learning process. In my opinion, what can be expected is a change of the teachers’ role, but not their disappearance from the classroom. Nobody can argue with the fact that the acquisition of knowledge is more fun and easier with computers. The mere acts of touching and exploring this device constitutes an enjoyable task for a child. This, accompanied by the relaxing attitude and software interactivity, usually contributes to a better grasping of new knowledge. At a higher educational level the availability of digital books, simulators and other academic materials provide the student with an ever accessible source of information, that otherwise would not be at hand. But, besides the increasing complexity and behaviour of intelligent software, which is usually embedded in the academic digital material, the need for human interaction in the learning process will always be present, at least in the foreseeable future. There is the necessity for a human being to be able to determine what the specific needs of each individual are. The expertise of a teacher in how to explain and adapt complex concepts to different individuals can hardly be mimicked by a computer, no matter how sophisticated its software is. As computers are becoming a common tool for teaching, teachers should be more aware of their role as guides in the acquisition of knowledge rather than transmitters of facts. They have to be open minded to the changes that are taking place, keep updated and serve as problem solvers in the learning process, thus allowing students to discover the fact for themselves. To summarize, in my personal view, teachers play and will continue to play an important role in the classroom, especially at the primary level. No matter how complex computers become, there will be no replacement for the human interaction, but in the way haw this interaction takes place.
There is no doubt that education and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
since the introduction of computers: The search for information has become easier and amusing, and connectivity has expedited the data availability. Though experts systems have made computers more intelligent, they have not
yet
become a substitute of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
. In my opinion, what can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
role,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not their disappearance from the classroom.

Nobody can argue with the fact that the acquisition of knowledge is more fun and easier with computers. The mere acts of touching and exploring this device constitutes an enjoyable task for a child. This, accompanied by the relaxing attitude and software interactivity,
usually
contributes to a better grasping of new knowledge. At a higher educational level the availability of digital books, simulators and other academic materials provide the student with an ever accessible source of information, that
otherwise
would not be at hand.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
besides
the increasing complexity and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of intelligent software, which is
usually
embedded in the academic digital material, the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
will always be present, at least in the foreseeable future. There is the necessity for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being to be able to determine what the specific needs of each individual are. The expertise of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
and adapt complex concepts to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
individuals can hardly
be mimicked
by a computer, no matter how sophisticated its software is.

As computers are becoming a common tool for teaching,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should be more aware of their role as guides in the acquisition of knowledge
rather
than transmitters of facts. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that are taking place,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
updated and serve as problem solvers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
,
thus
allowing students to discover the fact for themselves.

To summarize
, in my personal view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play and will continue to play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the classroom,
especially
at the primary level. No matter how complex computers become, there will be no replacement for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the way haw this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
takes place.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
359 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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