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Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. v.3

Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature? v. 3
Nowadays, children are spending their most soul inside the building as a result of the busy pace of contemporary soul. It is agreed that it is necessary that young children are taught to value our natural habitat. This essay will argue about how young children should understand and appreciate nature. First of all, child has a growing mind who seeks to learn more about outside. For instance keeping children all the moment inside will hinder the natural growth and physical appearances, as well as their minds. Sometimes they could develop disease conditions such as vitamin D deficiency and skin cancer etc. In addition, because of the busy pace modern soul children suffer through physiological changes. They may suffer from depression, social phobias or other childhood disorders. Moreover children may develop some personality disorders also. Thus, nowadays this issue has sparked the heated debate and world is trying to find the solutions. Secondly, outside environment is truly essential for the bond between humans and nature. Without realising the beauty of nature, our future generation will not able to respect that properly. Apparently, many trees are knocked down and woods are cleaned out, resulting in natural tragedy and this is due to lack of love and respect towards the environment. Moreover, social bonding is a crucial factor through in present time youngsters are getting friends and social relationships digitally on the web by Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc. But those are not healthy bonds for a child's growth. To add to, playing outside with friends may give a proper joy and liveable activity. To conclude, we cannot deny the rapidity of present soul where slow lives could not last for a long run, nevertheless, children should get the opportunity to see the outside earth instead of spending time inside that will not offer them a healthy and pleasant soul.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending their most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soul
inside the building
as a result
of the busy pace of contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soul
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that it is necessary that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
to value our natural habitat. This essay will argue about how young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should understand and appreciate nature.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, child has a growing mind who seeks to learn more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
.
For instance
keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
all the moment inside will hinder the natural growth and physical appearances,
as well
as their minds.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they could develop disease conditions such as vitamin D deficiency and skin cancer etc.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the busy pace modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soul
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer through physiological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. They may suffer from depression, social phobias or other childhood disorders.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personality disorders
also
.
Thus
, nowadays this issue has sparked the heated debate and world is trying to find the solutions.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
environment is
truly
essential for the bond between humans and nature. Without
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
the beauty of nature, our future generation will not able to respect that
properly
.
Apparently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
trees
are knocked
down and woods
are cleaned
out, resulting in natural tragedy and this is due to lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and respect towards the environment.
Moreover
, social bonding is a crucial factor through in present time youngsters are getting friends and social relationships
digitally
on the web by Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
those are not healthy bonds for a child's growth. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
with friends may give a proper joy and liveable activity.

To conclude
, we cannot deny the rapidity of present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soul
where slow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
could not last for a long run,
nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
earth
instead
of spending time inside that will not offer them a healthy and pleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
soul
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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