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Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. v. 4
One of the global problem is crime and it is a consequence of social issues and misery, others believe that crime is perpetrated by a bad behaviour person. I am going to discuss these views according to scientific and humanistic. There are various reasons why many people find crime is a result of public trouble as well as poor people than bad behaviour one. Firstly, some persons earn too less money and they must feed their family. As we know that in the world has families and people, who cannot work anywhere or live alone and have not got bread-winner. As a result of earning too little money, they have to do crime like thief, robbery or other one. Secondly, in the present, there are many problems with society crime. Since, today more people work a lot a day and they feel nervous and tired themselves. In many cases, they cannot concert with someone and unfortunately, they are killed or trounced that person. Lastly, modern younger like to do devilment and they committed crimes such as burglary, arson, deal drugs or joyriding. It is result of pet. In my view, people must study and learn a new skill for their future. Because, more of misdeeds are committed by illiterate people. There are not any jobs also cannot work and earn money to feed. Committing crime is the best way for them in order to making money. To sum up, committing crime is increasing day by day. The reasons are badly behaviour people and poverty, social problems too. ☆ Dilafruz ☆
One of the global problem is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and it is a consequence of social issues and misery, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is perpetrated
by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
person. I am going to discuss these views according to scientific and humanistic.

There are various reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a result of public trouble
as well
as poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
one.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
persons earn too less
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
feed their family. As we know that in the world has families and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who cannot work anywhere or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone and have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
bread-winner.
As a result
of earning too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
money, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like thief, robbery or other one.
Secondly
, in the present, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems with society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Since,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work a lot a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day and
they feel nervous and tired themselves. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, they cannot concert with someone and unfortunately, they
are killed
or trounced that person.
Lastly
, modern younger like to do
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
devilment and
they committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as burglary, arson, deal drugs or joyriding. It is result of pet.

In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
study and learn a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
for their future.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, more of misdeeds
are committed
by illiterate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are not any jobs
also
cannot work and earn money to feed. Committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is the best way for them in order to
Did you mean "make"?
making
money.

To sum up, committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is increasing day by day. The reasons are
badly
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and poverty, social problems too.

☆
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dilafruz
☆
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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