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Since Most Information About History And Culture Is Found On The Internet, Museums Are Not Needed Anymore v.1

Since Most Information About History And Culture Is Found On The Internet, Museums Are Not Needed Anymore v. 1
It is irrefutable that nowadays, because of technology, arm -chair tourism through which we can see historical objects and works of art on a computer, has gained popularity. However, I disagree, that public museums and art galleries will no longer be needed. In fact, I believe that their popularity will grow even further. First of all, computers can never replace real public museums and art galleries. No matter how real and vivid computer images are, they are only images and can never  be likened to the historical objects and works of art that we see in real or even might be allowed to touch with our fingertips. The difference can be compared to seeing the picture of a mango rather than actually eating it. Secondly, visiting real museums and art galleries is a rewarding experience in many respects. For one thing, it is a good exercise. While we are making the trip to a museum or art gallery and then strolling about on site, we ge t some exercise which does a lot of good to our health. We generally go with family and friends and enjoy a lot. We also learn about the culture and tradition of the place. All this broadens our horizons which can never be done by the passive activity of seeing something on the computer screen. Finally, I believe that after seeing these objects and museums, our craving to actually see these increases even more and so we make efforts to go and see these places. This can be proved by the overwhelming number of tourists to these places that has been increasing year after year. At certain times, especially when it is temporarily impossible for us to visit museums and art galleries in person, we can get a rough picture of what are on display on site. However, what we see from a computer screen is, after all, not exactly the same as what we see and feel with our own eyes on site.
It is irrefutable that nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technology, arm -chair tourism through which we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
historical objects and works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
on a computer, has gained popularity.
However
, I disagree, that public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
will no longer
be needed
. In fact, I believe that their popularity will grow even
further
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, computers can never replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
. No matter how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
and vivid computer images are, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
images and can never
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
be likened
to the historical objects and works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
or even might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to touch with our fingertips. The difference can
be compared
to seeing the picture of a mango
rather
than actually eating it.

Secondly
, visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
is a rewarding experience in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
respects. For one thing, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
exercise. While we are making the trip to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
and then strolling about on site, we
Possible spelling mistake found.
ge t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercise which does
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to our health. We
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
family and friends and enjoy a lot. We
also
learn about the culture and tradition of the place. All this broadens our horizons which can never
be done
by the passive activity of seeing something on the computer screen.

Finally
, I believe that after seeing these objects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, our craving to actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these increases even
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
more and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to go and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these places. This can
be proved
by the overwhelming number of tourists to these places that has been increasing year after year. At certain times,
especially
when it is
temporarily
impossible for us to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
in person, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a rough picture of what are on display on site.
However
, what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from a computer screen is,
after all
, not exactly the same as what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and feel with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
eyes on site.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Since Most Information About History And Culture Is Found On The Internet, Museums Are Not Needed Anymore v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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