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Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. v. 3
In recent years we have seen a considerable rise in breakers of laws. It should be taken into consideration the outcomes of their misdeeds should halt in certain ways. Some people opine that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty. While I find this viewpoint of some people justifiable to some extent. Others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. The main reason why people believe that culprits commit a crime is a result of social problems and poverty line. When we have a talk to some group of perpetrators make people annoyed about their poor living conditions before their prison years. During imprisonment all culprits under pressure of severe punishments due to their poor past time. They have their own justifications to be in prison. They ascribed their failure to bad luck. But honestly, if we take them, namely they under poor living conditions to breaks of laws. During their life they aren't halting the bad situations. They just persist to conduct their lovely bad jobs. Another reason for pursuing such crime is a result of bad person's nature. It depends on their behaviour and neglected for self protection and due to get a low level of education in their poor childhood. I'm not talking about just only depend on their nature. They abuse also many potentially harmful, effects not only on culprits, but also on their family, friends and work and also society before imprisonment years. When they return to the community if they get a job after leaving prison they not appreciate by society. Because the entire of their life they feel a sense of indecency. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that, many steps can be taken to reduce the rate of crime are that involved. Every citizen should be far from to turn a culprit. The best preventive measure is that inspire many others to live without crime and feel an enhance a sense of humanity and community.
In recent years we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a considerable rise in breakers of laws. It should
be taken
into consideration the outcomes of their misdeeds should halt in certain ways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of social problems and poverty.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
I find this viewpoint of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
justifiable to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
person's nature.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culprits
commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of social problems and poverty line. When we have a talk to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of perpetrators
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "makes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'make' is not always incorrect.)
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
annoyed about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
living conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their prison years. During imprisonment all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culprits
under pressure of severe punishments due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
. They have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
justifications to be in prison. They ascribed their failure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
luck.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
honestly
, if we take them,
namely
they under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
living conditions to breaks of laws. During their life they aren't halting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
situations. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
persist to conduct their lovely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
jobs.

Another reason for pursuing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
person's nature. It depends on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and neglected for
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self protection
and due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a low level of education in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
childhood. I'm not talking about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on their nature. They abuse
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
potentially
harmful, effects not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culprits
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on their family, friends and work and
also
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
imprisonment years. When they return to the community if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job after leaving prison they not appreciate by society.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the entire of their life they feel a sense of indecency.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
steps can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
are that involved. Every citizen should be far from to turn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culprit
. The best preventive measure is that inspire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and feel
Did you mean "and"?
an
enhance a sense of humanity and community.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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