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Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacations. Give the advantages of both and express your own point of view v.2

Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacations. Give the advantages of both and express your own point of view v. 2
While some people are in favour of giving several short vacations to children, others opine that one long vacation is much better. In my opinion, children will benefit more if they get several short holidays during the course of the academic year. There are many advantages to short vacations. To start with, children can take a break from studies frequently. Sometimes taking a short vacation can help children get rid of their mental stress. Nowadays we see that most children attend private coaching classes after school and hence they get hardly any spare time. This can affect them mentally. However if they have a short vacation in between exams they can relax themselves, get rid of their mental stress and feel refreshed. When they get short vacation, they have enough time to spend with their loved ones. They can go to their relative’s house and spend time with them which we don’t see these days. Getting a long vacation also has its advantages. When they have long vacations they can join some coaching classes like football coaching, swimming, drawing or dancing etc. They can also travel to distant tourist destinations. However, in my opinion, in this age of intense competition and the pressure to excel in both curricular and co-curricular activities, children need small breaks from time to time to recharge themselves. To conclude, after analysing both sides of the argument it is not hard to see that there are benefits to both short and long vacations. However, considering the amount of pressure that children have to deal with on a day-to-day basis, I would recommend more short vacations than one long vacation.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of giving several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, others opine that one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
is much better. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will benefit more if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
holidays during the course of the academic year.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can take a break from studies
frequently
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of their mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Nowadays we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attend private coaching classes after school and
hence
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hardly any spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This can affect them mentally.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
if they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
in between exams they can relax themselves,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of their mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and feel refreshed. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. They can go to their relative’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them which we don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these days.

Getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
also
has its advantages. When they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
coaching classes like football coaching, swimming, drawing or dancing etc. They can
also
travel to distant tourist destinations.
However
, in my opinion, in this age of intense competition and the pressure to excel in both curricular and co-curricular activities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
breaks from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to recharge themselves.

To conclude
, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both sides of the argument it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that there are benefits to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
.
However
, considering the amount of pressure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with on a day-to-day basis, I would recommend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacations. Give the advantages of both and express your own point of view v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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