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Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacation. Give advantages of both and express your own point of views. v.1

Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacation. Give advantages of both and express your own point of views. v. 1
These days, children prefer long vacations as compared to short vacations. While some people contend that school children need numerous short vacations, others deem that they prefer long vacation. I agree with the latter argument, and in this essay, I will discuss both advantages with my view. To begin, it is advantageous for children to provide them with multiple short vacations, for they can take a break from studies frequently. This is because pupils get rid of mental stresses such as reading for several hours, focusing on a particular thing for a long time that may hamper their studies. Similarly, kids shall have enough time to spend with their love ones. The reason for this is to visit relatives’ house on a holiday like a weekend or even a public holiday for entertainment. However, there are benefits for children in getting a long vacation too. The school children will join some coaching classes to enhance extracurricular activities as well. Some kinds of entertainment, for instance, singing, dancing, swimming, language classes helps them a lot in acquiring positive outputs. In addition, students at school could travel to world tour with their family and friends. This happens because kids are keen to know about other’s culture, tradition, norms, values, and lifestyles, so to generalize it in their lives. Children tend to show interest in others cuisines, festivals, and clothes as well. In conclusion, since the benefits of short vacations are taking breaks frequently and spending valuable times with loved ones, there are advantages of having long vacation as well like joining coaching classes and traveling world tour. Personally, I believe long holiday is better.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
as compared to
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short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
contend that school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
, others deem that they prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter argument, and in this essay, I will discuss both advantages with my view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, it is advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to provide them with multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
, for they can take a break from studies
frequently
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
such as reading for several hours, focusing on a particular thing for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
time that may hamper their studies.
Similarly
, kids shall have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
The reason for this is
to visit relatives’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
on a holiday like a weekend or even a public holiday for entertainment.

However
, there are benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
too. The school
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children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
coaching classes to enhance extracurricular activities
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
kinds of entertainment,
for instance
, singing, dancing, swimming, language classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them a lot in acquiring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outputs.
In addition
, students at school could travel to world tour with their family and friends. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
kids are keen to know about other’s culture, tradition, norms, values, and lifestyles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to generalize it in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest in others cuisines, festivals, and clothes
as well
.

In conclusion
, since the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
are taking breaks
frequently
and spending valuable times with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, there are advantages of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
as well
Comparison is written 'as well "as"'.
like
joining coaching classes and traveling world tour.
Personally
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
holiday is better.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacation. Give advantages of both and express your own point of views. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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