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Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times, and they think it is a waste of time to read any entertainments books. What is your opinion about this? v.1

Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times, and they think it is a waste of time to read any entertainments books. What is your opinion about this? v. 1
As the competition increases with each day so the parents do want their children to read only serious educational books at all the times because they do not want them to get diverted from studies by reading entertainment books. As per the parents reading only serious educational books will keep their young ones sincere towards studies and which in result will help them to score better and to get better future opportunities in terms of jobs. On the contrary, if they will read entertainment books their mind will get diverted and this might hamper their upcoming life because they will not be able to focus on their studies completely. In my opinion, both studies and good time are equally important. Education is really important for an individual to reach prestigious heights in their life by getting a better job or by getting better future prospects, but no one can keep themselves involved in education all the times and to study well a break is required. The break can be taken in several forms from watching television to following your hobbies or passion or by spending some time in reading any entertainment books to refresh their mind and to follow a bright to be time again. I believe that education and entertainment can be taken side by side to maintain a balance in life and to not get stressed or depressed by studying the whole day and by keeping yourself busy in scoring higher than the last time. Entertainment books will also help to increase your reading habits along with the fact to make your mind feel fresh which will make it work better than before because the pressure from your brain gets released and your mind get relief from all the thoughts that were going on in your head during studies. In conclusion, I would like to say that I support free time or entertainment based books.
As the competition increases with each day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the parents do want their children to read
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
serious educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
at all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not want them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diverted from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
entertainment books.

As per the parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
serious educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their young ones sincere towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and which in result will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to score
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
future opportunities in terms of jobs.
On the contrary
, if they will read entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diverted and this might hamper their upcoming life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will not be able to focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
completely.

In my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Education is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for an individual to reach prestigious heights in their life by getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job or by getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
future prospects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves involved in education all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
well a break
is required
. The break can
be taken
in several forms from watching television to following your hobbies or passion or by spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
any entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
to refresh their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
and to follow a bright to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
again. I believe that education and entertainment can
be taken
side by side to maintain a balance in life and to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
or depressed by studying the whole day and by keeping yourself busy in scoring higher than the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to increase your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
habits along with the fact to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
feel fresh which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the pressure from your brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
released and your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relief from all the thoughts that were going on in your head during studies.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that I support free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or entertainment based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents want their children to read only serious educational books at all times, and they think it is a waste of time to read any entertainments books. What is your opinion about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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