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in many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion. v.1

in many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion. v. 1
In various nations around the world, the average age are rising magnificently. The essay will address the positive aspect and the demerit of the given issue and be concluded by my personal opinion. Firstly, the benefit of increased life expectancy is old people can be useful. As a result, our life pace are really fast, we don’t have time to do something is not necessary like housework, take care for your child. Our parent can contribute the time to help you. By way of example, they can look after our children or they can be an impressive story teller by telling fairy tales, folk tale, etc… In addition, old people can also lead a society. Nowadays, almost nations need a rich-experienced people who know about the economic situation, good at diplomacy to lead their country for a better future, for the economic growth. For instance, USA – the most strongest nation in the world ) led by Donald Trump. He is almost 73 years old with an excellent knowledge about the world economic, an outstanding president. However, increasing the average age will causes over population. There will be no place to live. The default for the elderly is a social burden. For example, China – the most populous nation, their living standard is really high but there are still remain poor people that can’t afford to pay for it. In Hongkong, everything is expensive ( also the house rent ) so people choose to live in a extremely small apartment. Moreover, this problem can cause air pollution. As a result, the amount of vehicles and industry are increasing as the number of people growth. The more vehicles are used, the more gas will be release to the atmosphere. Air pollution also causes lungs disease. By way of example, in India, air pollution is increasing rapidly because the use of vehicles, industries, etc… released the gas into the air so there will be more and more grime. In summary, the disadvantages of the increase of life expectancy outweigh the advantages. While the world is developing by the leaders of each country, the pollutions, over population problems will continued happen and we have to find another solution to solve this issue.
In various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, the average age are rising
magnificently
. The essay will address the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect and the demerit of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
issue and
be concluded
by my personal opinion.

Firstly
, the benefit of increased life expectancy is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be useful.
As a result
, our life pace are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, we don’t have time to do something is not necessary like housework, take care for your child. Our parent can contribute the time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you. By way of example, they can look after our
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children or
they can be an impressive
This word is normally spelled as one.
story teller
by telling fairy tales, folk tale, etc…
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
lead a society. Nowadays, almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
need a rich-experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who know about the economic situation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at diplomacy to lead their country for a better future, for the economic growth.
For instance
, USA
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
the
Use only "strongest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most strongest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
led by Donald Trump. He is almost 73 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
with an excellent knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
economic, an outstanding president.

However
, increasing the average age will causes over population. There will be no place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. The default for the elderly is a social burden.
For example
, China
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
the most populous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, their living standard is
really
high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
still
remain poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that can’t afford to pay for it. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hongkong
, everything is expensive
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rent
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
apartment.
Moreover
, this problem can cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
As a result
, the amount of vehicles and industry are increasing as the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
growth. The more vehicles are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, the more gas will be release to the atmosphere.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
also
causes lungs disease. By way of example, in India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
is increasing
rapidly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of vehicles, industries, etc… released the gas into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there will be more and more grime.

In summary, the disadvantages of the increase of life expectancy outweigh the advantages. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is developing by the leaders of each country, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutions
, over population problems will continued
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
happen and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find another solution to solve this issue.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay in many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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