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Some people believed that entertainers are more important than scientists. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believed that entertainers are more important than scientists. v. 1
Entertainers and scientists play their appropriate roles in society as per their professional prowess. Some people have a perception that entertainers are paramount figures in society than scientists. We will discuss regarding this statement in the following paragraphs. Some people have perceived that entertainers are more crucial than scientists in a society. The Entertainment business is a spectator sport which is loved by common people. It is a means to resolve their daily depressions and act as a stress buster for them. For instance, Indians prefer to sit down at night and watch their favourite entertainment soap opera after having a hectic day. The main objective of an entertainer is to earn money by their skill sets and provide a calm environment in one’s life. People want entertainers more in the society as they are the one’s who stays in the limelight. Nowadays youngsters are very attracted towards the glamorous lifestyle of the entertainers. They are inspired by such lifestyle and try to replicate the same way of living by incorporating it into their own life. But when it comes to middle aged and adults they have a strong belief that scientists are more important and plays more critical role in a society. Scientists are those human beings who have made it all possible by inventing the communication devices and made entertainers come into the spotlight. Scientist’s uses their intellect and keep on improving the products like television and cell phones which is eventually help common people staying updated and follow the glamorous lifestyle as they wanted. I would conclude by saying that scientists are more important in a society than entertainers as they have provided humans with the tool which help them spend their life in comfort. Without these inventions in the first place world would not be aware of entertainers life and the way they present their skills.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Entertainers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
play their appropriate roles in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as per their professional prowess.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a perception that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
are paramount figures in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
. We will discuss regarding this statement in the following paragraphs.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have perceived that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
are more crucial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The Entertainment business is a spectator sport which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is a means to resolve their daily depressions and act as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster for them.
For instance
, Indians prefer to sit down at night and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
entertainment soap opera after having a hectic day. The main objective of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainer
is to earn money by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets and provide a calm environment in one’s life.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
more in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as they are the one’s who stays in the limelight. Nowadays youngsters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attracted towards the glamorous lifestyle of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
. They
are inspired
by such lifestyle and try to replicate the same way of living by incorporating it into their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
and adults they have a strong belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and plays more critical role in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientists
are those human beings who have made it all possible by inventing the communication devices and made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into the spotlight.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientist’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
their intellect and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on improving the products like television and cell phones which is
eventually
Consider using a past participle here: "helped".
help
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
staying updated and follow the glamorous lifestyle as they wanted.

I would conclude by saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
as they have provided humans with the tool which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them spend their life in comfort. Without these inventions in the
first
place world would not be aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
life and the way they present their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people believed that entertainers are more important than scientists. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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