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The best way to improve the quality of education at a university is to increase salaries of teachers. v.1

The best way to improve the quality of education at a university is to increase salaries of teachers. v. 1
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of pupils studying in foreign countries. Although graduating from other countries can give them a high-quality education, it can also cost them a huge amount of expenses compared to their own country. From my point of view, studying abroad is beneficial, even though it may cost them significantly. The greatest benefit of studying overseas is that students will have a superior education system which would have been otherwise impossible if they had studied in their home countries. Furthermore, being in another country gives people the opportunity to pick numerous courses and subjects which lead to mastering their hidden talent. For instance, Sunder Pichai CEO of Google comes from India and he did his higher education in the United States, which then got him into a position that fulfilled his career ambition. Therefore, these ultra-challenging experiences are the main advantage since they can make an excellent impact on students' academic achievements. On the other hand, the main drawback that most students will face is the high expenditures of education. This huge amount of payments will pose massive obstacles for people because they require to work beyond the average which makes it scary for students and parents most importantly. For example, while I was studying in Canada, my mother and I had to work for an extra 4 hours per day in order to recover a slight amount of my daily expenses which is incredibly a lot. For this reason, I believe high charges are one of the necessary barriers that students are suffering. To sum up, studying abroad has become extremely common. While students can benefit from a high level of education, they may struggle due to the expenses. However, I am inclined to believe that the advantages of educating overseas outweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Although graduating from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can give them a high-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, it can
also
cost them a huge amount of expenses compared to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
abroad is beneficial,
even though
it may cost them
significantly
.

The greatest benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
overseas is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will have a superior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system which would have been
otherwise
impossible if they had studied in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Furthermore
, being in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
the opportunity to pick numerous courses and subjects which lead to mastering their hidden talent.
For instance
, Sunder
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pichai
CEO of Google
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
India and
he did his higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the United States, which then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
him into a position that fulfilled his career ambition.
Therefore
, these ultra-challenging experiences are the main advantage since they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an excellent impact on students' academic achievements.

On the other hand
, the main drawback that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will face is the high expenditures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This huge amount of payments will pose massive obstacles for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they require
Did you mean "working"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to work
beyond the average which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it scary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and parents most
importantly
.
For example
, while I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in Canada, my mother and I had to work for an extra 4 hours per day in order to recover a slight amount of my daily expenses which is
incredibly
a lot.
For this reason
, I believe high charges are one of the necessary barriers that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are suffering.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
abroad has become
extremely
common. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can benefit from a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, they may struggle due to the expenses.
However
, I
am inclined
to believe that the advantages of educating overseas outweigh the disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The best way to improve the quality of education at a university is to increase salaries of teachers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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