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Some people believe it is better for students at university to live far away from home than to live at home with their parents. Which one do you think is better and why? v.2

Some people believe it is better for students at university to live far away from home than to live at home with their parents. Which one do you think is better and why? v. 2
Studying abroad not only is attractiveness, but also it has a lot of features for students who choose educate in other countries. I had this experience when I was 18, and I studied abroad, so I think like some people too, that living far from native land during a university time have enormous benefits beside some difficulties, and I know that it has a lot of ups and downs, but the result is enjoyable, while other individuals believe in a different way. This essay will shed some light on this argument from both sides and extend my partial support to the former view before arriving at conclusion. Experts of higher education from all of the world enumerate benefits of studying overseas in this way; they believe that the first positive point is experience of life in a world center, and students can feel the meaning of independence very soon. They start to live alone far from their parents and they should care themselves. Young students learn in which way they can solve their problems without their parents’ physical support. It is clear that after a few years they will be solve thier problems look like adult people while they are young yet. Moreover, it is an amazing opportunity for persons who want to know about other cultures. The best method for understanding people’s lifestyle in other countries is living with them in common society. It can be a never to be forgotten experience for students who studying over the sea. Furthermore, individuals who decide to continue their education abroad have chance to learn about financial issues. They can control their life expense, and they learn in which way they should spend their money. They have specific budget for one month and they need to manage their expenses until the end of month. On the other hand, some people believe that living far away from native land during the university time is terrible, and have negative points, for children and even their parents. In their opinion, the main problem goes back to students. They need to work in their free time to earn money because the price of living overseas is high, and also tuition fee for international students is more expensive. Thus students need to work to have salary. It has direct effect on student’s education quality and they cannot have good concentration on their first target. In addition, students usually leave their home at 18 when they want to go to university, and it is very hard for them to live alone. They need their parents care. For instance, when they get sick, they want their mother’s support, but in that time they should provide for themselves healthy foods and try to get better as soon as possible. In conclusion, in my opinion, positive points of living far away from home is more than negative points. Studying abroad is created a suitable opportunity for students in new societies, with new people and new cultures, and because of many problems they can change their thinking method in life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is attractiveness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
features for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to educate"
educate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries. I had this experience when I was 18, and I studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
too, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
from native land during a university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
have enormous benefits beside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties, and I know that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
ups and downs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the result is enjoyable, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals believe in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way. This essay will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this argument from both sides and extend my partial support to the former view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving at conclusion.

Experts of higher education from
Consider using "all the".
all of the
world enumerate benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
overseas in this way; they believe that the
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
is experience of life in a world center, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can feel the meaning of independence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they should care themselves. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn in which way they can solve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
physical support. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that after a few years they will be
Consider using the past participle "solved"?
solve
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
look like adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while they are young
yet
.
Moreover
, it is an amazing opportunity for persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures. The best method for understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with them in common society. It can be a never to
be forgotten
experience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
over the sea.
Furthermore
, individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decide to continue their education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
have chance to learn about financial issues. They can control their life expense, and they learn in which way they should spend their money. They have specific budget for one
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
month and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to manage their expenses until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of month.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
away from native land during the university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is terrible, and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
, for children and even their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In their opinion, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
goes back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to work in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to earn money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
overseas is high, and
also
tuition fee for international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is more expensive.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to work to have salary. It has direct effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
education
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
quality and
they cannot have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
concentration on their
first
target.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home at 18 when they want to go to university, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
care.
For instance
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick, they want their mother’s support,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they should provide for themselves healthy foods and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.

In conclusion
, in my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
away from home is more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is created
a suitable opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in new societies, with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and new cultures, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their thinking method in life.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
61Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe it is better for students at university to live far away from home than to live at home with their parents. Which one do you think is better and why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
508 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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