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Some people believe it is better for students at university to live far away from home than to live at home with their parents. Which one do you think is better and why? v.1

Some people believe it is better for students at university to live far away from home than to live at home with their parents. Which one do you think is better and why? v. 1
In this modern world, it is a general human nature that we always seek novelty. Sometimes it is genuine, however, most of the times it is temptation only. Owing to this, an increasing number of people get rid of used items by substituting them with the new ones. This tendency may bolster the economy yet, it will certainly make people more rapacious. On one hand, today's throwaway society has created many problems. Firstly, people buy new things just to satisfy their never-ending craze to be better and different. In addition, they spend money even when the expenses are out of their reach. Secondly, to buy more one needs to earn more and to earn more one needs to work more. As a result of this, victims of this mentality move away from moral values and ethics and they become materialistic, which is a great social loss in today's world. For example, many governments dump such tonnage into the ocean, which has had adverse effects on the marine life. Finally, throwaway society also generates waste. Generation of waste us pollution. It is a headache for today's governments to manage this dump. Many thrown away articles are non-biodegradable, which can potentially cause harm to our ecosystem. For instance, many governments dump such tonnage into the ocean, which has had adverse effects on the marine life. On the other hand, there are some economist who believes in perceived economic advantages of throwaway society. Moreover, as a result of that employment opportunities are generated and a growth curve is seen in the global economy. For instance, many governments dump such tonnage into the ocean, which has had adverse effects on the marine life. In conclusion, it is true that the throwaway society has made our life very convenient. Nevertheless, in my opinion, it is a negative development because it hampers our environment, ecosystem and social setup. Thus, the drawbacks of throwaway society outscore the financial benefits.
In this modern world, it is a general human nature that we always seek novelty.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it is genuine,
however
,
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
it is temptation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Owing to this, an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
items by substituting them with the new ones. This tendency may bolster the economy
yet
, it will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more rapacious.

On one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
throwaway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
new things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to satisfy their never-ending craze to be better and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
In addition
, they spend money even when the expenses are out of their reach.
Secondly
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more one needs to earn more and to earn more one needs to work more.
As a result
of this, victims of this mentality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from moral values and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ethics and
they become materialistic, which is a great social loss in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dump
such tonnage into the ocean, which has had adverse effects on the marine life.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
throwaway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
also
generates waste. Generation of waste us pollution. It is a headache for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to manage this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dump
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
thrown away articles are non-biodegradable, which can
potentially
cause harm to our ecosystem.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dump
such tonnage into the ocean, which has had adverse effects on the marine life.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "economists"?
economist
who believes in perceived economic advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
throwaway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Moreover
,
as a result
of that employment opportunities
are generated
and a growth curve is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the global economy.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dump
such tonnage into the ocean, which has had adverse effects on the marine life.

In conclusion
, it is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
throwaway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has made our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient.
Nevertheless
, in my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it hampers our environment, ecosystem and social setup.
Thus
, the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
throwaway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
outscore the financial benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe it is better for students at university to live far away from home than to live at home with their parents. Which one do you think is better and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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