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Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organisations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organisations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problems less important. v. 2
Many people believe that the involvement of well-known people in international aid organisations attracts the attention of the problem. Meanwhile, others suppose that the participation of famous people downplays the significance of the problem. I would argue that famous people' s support provides the numerous and positive changes to the society. On the one hand, famous people can make the problem less important. One of the reasons is that some people often consider that the main purpose of celebrities' support is a way to enhance their reputations. Therefore, to attract the attention of the community, some famous people attempt to be involved in as many volunteer projects as possible without any particular passion or interest in those. Moreover, every work in the effort of international aid corporations could be trivialised since the concentration of followers can be shifted away from endeavours to the fame and the image of specific characters concerned. This change possibly creates a concerned question to the public about their motivates. On the other hand, I firmly believe that international aid organisations' activities can be more effortless thanks to the association of celebrities. Firstly, they have a huge number of fans who are inspired by their actions. For instance, Phan Anh, a well-known M. C in Vietnam, encouraged thousands of youngsters joined his project as well as charities in locals by donating money and working as volunteers supporting flood victims in the central part of Vietnam. Secondly, celebrities are usually trusted by the society; that may lead to a rise of the profile of international aid. Hence, it could be easy to organisations appeal more people to donate money, work as a volunteer to help either practically or in fund-raising. In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks of celebrity cooperation to international aid organisations, it seems to me that it brings more benefits for the community when they take part in voluntary activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the involvement of well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
attracts the attention of the problem. Meanwhile, others suppose that the participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
downplays the significance of the problem. I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s support provides the numerous and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to the society.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the problem less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. One of the reasons is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
consider that the main purpose of
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebrities&
#039; support is a way to enhance their reputations.
Therefore
, to attract the attention of the community,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attempt to
be involved
in as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
volunteer projects as possible without any particular passion or interest in those.
Moreover
, every work in the effort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
corporations could be
Possible spelling mistake. 'trivialised' is British English.
trivialised
since the concentration of followers can
be shifted
away from
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
to the fame and the image of specific characters concerned. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
possibly
creates a concerned question to the public about their motivates.

On the other hand
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
Possible spelling mistake found.
organisations&
#039; activities can be more effortless thanks to the association of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
Firstly
, they have a huge number of fans who
are inspired
by their actions.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anh
, a well-known M. C in Vietnam, encouraged thousands of youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
his project
as well
as charities in locals by donating money and working as volunteers supporting flood victims in the central part of Vietnam.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
usually
trusted by the society; that may lead to a rise of the profile of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
.
Hence
, it could be easy to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
appeal more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to donate money, work as a volunteer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
either
practically
or in fund-raising.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
cooperation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, it seems to me that it brings more benefits for the community when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in voluntary activities.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organisations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problems less important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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