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Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.5

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. v. 5
Whether should reward students who achieve the highest grades or whether those who show the improvements deserve the award. This question still remains a source of controversy today. I would argue that praising students who have improved is much more reasonable. On the one hand, there are several reasons why students who achieve the highest scores are usually rewarded. Firstly, this could create a highly competitive environment among students in schools. To win prizes as desired, they will have to give an immense effort into the studies. Furthermore, schools should encourage them to focus on the study to get the best results. Secondly, despite the fact that many schools reward talented student aiming to boost their image comparing with others, attracting many students enrol each year. For example, some educational institutions in my country usually organise events, inviting lots of guests with only a purpose awarding to their students. On the other hand, I believe that giving encouragements to those who make strides in their study results could be beneficial in some ways. One of the benefits is that this is equal chances for every student to receive awards, they can see that all their efforts deserve recognition and expectation. As a consequence, they will feel motivated to promote all their capabilities in making significant progress. Another benefit is that it may lead to a change in their view about scores. Instead of pursuing the highest scores, they will concentrate the quality of the study. Consequently, several common phenomena which occur when examination coming, including pressure, anxiety and cheating will be reduced. In conclusion, although it is advantageous to some extent about rewarding highest achievers, it seems to me that it is better to award those who have improved their level of academic performance.
Whether should reward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
achieve the highest grades or whether those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the improvements deserve the award. This question
still
remains a source of controversy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. I would argue that praising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
is much more reasonable.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
achieve the highest scores are
usually
rewarded.
Firstly
, this could create a
highly
competitive environment among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in schools. To win prizes as desired, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give an immense effort into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Furthermore
, schools should encourage them to focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best results.
Secondly
, despite the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools reward talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
aiming to boost their image comparing with others, attracting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrol each year.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational institutions in my country
usually
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, inviting lots of guests with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a purpose awarding to their students.

On the other hand
, I believe that giving encouragements to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strides in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
results could be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways. One of the benefits is that this is equal chances for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to receive awards, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that all their efforts deserve recognition and expectation. As a consequence, they will feel motivated to promote all their capabilities in making significant progress. Another benefit is that it may lead to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their view about scores.
Instead
of pursuing the highest scores, they will concentrate the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Consequently
, several common phenomena which occur when examination coming, including pressure, anxiety and cheating will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

In conclusion
, although it is advantageous to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent about rewarding highest achievers, it seems to me that it is better to award those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their level of academic performance.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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