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Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organisations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organisations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problems less important. v. 1
Many feel that the study of the past does little to inform the present while others believe it can help aid understanding. In my opinion, past certainly holds insights, but they are so deeply woven into a specific context so as to be as misleading as enlightening. Those who argue in favour of learning from history can point to the importance of understanding a civilization. A frequently cited example of this is the war between Vietnam and the United States in the mid 1960s to early 1970s. Both before and during the war, the United States President and his advisors understood little about the past of Vietnam with its successive invasions from foreign nations including China and Japan. A deeper understanding of the unity and resilience of Vietnam might have led them to make a compromise regarding splitting the country in half and the escalation of ground troops. Mistakes born of ignorance take place all the time in international relations and even domestic politics. Regardless, the past only holds lessons for the keenest observer. Every historical moment passes through a complex set of circumstances, many of which are hidden from the history books, and cannot be reduced to simple lessons. For example, the Vietnam war is often summed up with the platitude that it is impossible to invade and occupy a foreign nation. This ignores the myriad reasons that led to defeat and supposes that other conflicts are identical. After the invasion of Iraq proved to be a quagmire, many relished the historical lessons of Vietnam without considering the very diverse set of circumstances that led to failure in each country. There are certainly insights to be gained from studying past conflicts, but they will rarely result in fixed, black and white rules apply to every new situation. In conclusion, antiquity is not a simple road map for the future. Those who are too avid to accept seemingly apparent lessons are doomed to lead themselves astray and make new mistakes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
feel that the study of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
does
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to inform the present while others believe it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
aid understanding. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
certainly
holds insights,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
deeply
woven into a specific context
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
be as misleading as enlightening.

Those who argue in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of learning from history can point to the importance of understanding a civilization. A
frequently
cited example of this is the war between Vietnam and the United States in the mid 1960s to early 1970s. Both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and during the war, the United States President and his advisors understood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
of Vietnam with its successive invasions from foreign nations including China and Japan. A deeper understanding of the unity and resilience of Vietnam might have led them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a compromise regarding splitting the country in half and the escalation of ground troops. Mistakes born of ignorance take place all the time in international relations and even domestic politics.

Regardless, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
holds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
for the keenest observer. Every historical moment passes through a complex set of circumstances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of which
are hidden
from the history books, and cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
.
For example
, the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Vietnam war
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
summed up with the platitude that it is impossible to invade and occupy a foreign nation. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignores
the myriad reasons that led to defeat and supposes that other conflicts are identical. After the invasion of Iraq proved to be a quagmire,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
relished the historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
of Vietnam without considering the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
diverse set of circumstances that led to failure in each country. There are
certainly
insights to
be gained
from studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
conflicts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will rarely result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
, black and white
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
apply to every new situation.

In conclusion
, antiquity is not a simple road map for the future. Those who are too avid to accept
seemingly
apparent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
are doomed
to lead themselves astray and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new mistakes.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organisations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problems less important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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