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Some people believe celebrities' support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe celebrities' support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. v. 1
Across the globe, governments have assigned certain areas not to be developed in order to preserve the environment for future generations. However, some people suggest that the rule should be abolished as this can generate the most amount of electricity. I agree to some extent but I think we shall not because it only can last a couple of decades. First of all, supporters think utilizing oil and gas is the most efficient way to produce energy. Although a couple of methods have been invented, no one can completely replace the ordinary method. For instance, renewable energy is the most eco-friendly way, but uneconomical and nuclear energy can produce an adequate amount of power, but it has a higher risk. It is argued thus to discover untouched zone should be allowed due to rising consumption in energy. However, in my opinion, opening the untouched areas leads to nothing but resource depletion since it does not tackle an initial issue. The high efficiency of utilizing fossil fuel blind the public the truth that it is not a temporary solution. Since the consumption of a resource is father than it can be replenished, we should end up finding other solutions for meeting the demand for rising electricity rather than depend on gas and oil without a doubt. If we decide to utilize fossil fuel, in the future, we will reface this issue. Consequently, exploring undiscovered lands cannot be implemented. The main conclusion that can be drawn is that although fossil fuel maximizes the efficiency to produce electricity, it cannot be pursued with the intention since it is a short-run solution and the resources will end up being exhausted.
Across the globe,
governments
have assigned certain areas not to
be developed
in order to preserve the environment for future generations.
However
,
some
people
suggest that the
rule
should
be abolished
as this can generate the most amount of electricity. I
agree
to
some
extent
but
I
think
we shall not
because
it
only
can last a couple of decades.

First of all
, supporters
think
utilizing oil and gas is the most efficient way to produce energy. Although a couple of methods have
been invented
, no one can completely replace the ordinary method.
For instance
, renewable energy is the most eco-friendly way,
but
uneconomical and nuclear energy can produce an adequate amount of power,
but
it has a higher
risk
. It
is argued
thus
to discover untouched zone should be
allowed
due to
rising
consumption in energy.

However
, in my opinion, opening the untouched areas leads to nothing
but
resource depletion since it does not tackle an initial issue. The high efficiency of utilizing fossil fuel blind the public the truth that it is not a temporary solution. Since the consumption of a resource is father than it can
be replenished
, we should
end
up finding other solutions for meeting the demand for rising electricity
rather
than depend on gas and oil without a doubt. If we decide to utilize fossil fuel, in the future, we will reface this issue.
Consequently
, exploring undiscovered lands cannot
be implemented
.

The main conclusion that can
be drawn
is that although fossil fuel maximizes the efficiency to produce electricity, it cannot
be pursued
with the intention since it is a short-run solution and the resources will
end
up
being exhausted
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe celebrities' support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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