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Some people believe environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally. v. 1
After completing graduation, joining a company as an employee is really a new journey of life for everyone. It is not abnormal for someone to feel uncomfortable in a new and at the same time a formal environment. So it seems to me that lack of interpersonal conversation skills among freshers is not a great problem and it can be solved. May be there are a lot of causes behind the lack of interpersonal skills among freshers, which are necessary for interactions with their colleagues. Firstly, I want to mention the nervousness that works with everyone when he or she comes in a new and unfamiliar environment. Gradually this problem can be solved. Another reason is incorporated in our education system. Most of the colleges or university generally prioritizes the theoretical knowledge only especially in terms of business, arts and social science faculty. That is why students cannot achieve any kind of interpersonal skills that are needed for an organized office system. Thirdly, Students in the contemporary society pass most of the time of a day online, that means the internet, computer, mobile and so on. Consequently, they are getting expert in virtual contact rather than real or face to face interaction. Even if we notice we can see that when the youngsters get together in real life their emphasis on someone who is online in their mobile screen. I think it is one of the most significant reasons to disrupt interpersonal communication of new employees. To solve this problem each organization can arrange a training programme for its new employee. I hope it can help them to develop their communication skills. Except this, an orientation program can also help to interact with one another. In addition, our education system can prioritize on applied knowledge and different extra curriculum activities like debates, group work and so on. In conclusion, it can be said that, if above mentioned activities can be applied, I hope the communication skills of new employees will increase. I will suggest individuals to involve themselves different types of group activity to remove this lacking.
After completing graduation, joining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as an employee is
really
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
journey of life for everyone. It is not abnormal for someone to feel uncomfortable in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and at the same time a formal environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it seems to me that lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interpersonal
conversation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
among freshers is not a great problem and it can
be solved
.

Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
May be
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
causes behind the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
among freshers, which are necessary for interactions with their colleagues.
Firstly
, I want to mention the nervousness that works with everyone when he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and unfamiliar environment.
Gradually
this problem can
be solved
. Another reason
is incorporated
in our education system. Most of the colleges or university
generally
prioritizes the theoretical knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
especially
in terms of business, arts and social science faculty.
That is
why students cannot achieve any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that
are needed
for an organized office system.

Thirdly
, Students in the contemporary society pass most of the time of a day online, that means the internet, computer, mobile and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Consequently
, they are getting expert in virtual contact
rather
than real or face to face interaction. Even if we notice we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that when the youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together in real life their emphasis on someone who is online in their mobile screen. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is one of the most significant reasons to disrupt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interpersonal
communication of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employees.

To solve this problem each organization can arrange a training
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employee. I hope it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop their communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Except this, an orientation program can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to interact with one another.
In addition
, our education system can prioritize on applied knowledge and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
extra curriculum activities like debates, group work and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, it can
be said
that, if above mentioned activities can
be applied
, I hope the communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employees will increase. I will suggest individuals to involve themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of group activity to remove this lacking.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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