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1. Do you like joint family or nuclear family why/why not2. In your parents who influenced you the most3. In your brothers/sisters whom do you like very much v.1

1. Do you like joint family or nuclear family why/why not2. In your parents who influenced you the most3. In your brothers/sisters whom do you like very much v. 1
The way in which a family is structured experienced recent changes and this also affected the roles of each member. Everything is being taken care of by the mother and the father only brings money to support his wife and children without getting involved in actually raising them. I think these changes negatively affect the harmony among the entire family. Furthermore, the increasing burdens of a busy life made it harder for us to commit to our responsibilites and our duties towards his beloved ones. Because we just cannot help being overwhelmed. Instead, we just lose control. For instance, a housewife usually spends seventy percent of her time cooking, washing clothes or even helping her son and her daughter with their homework. Therefore, a clear description no longer exists of everyone's roles in the house because they all depend on the mother to do these duties for them. On the contrary, a mother needs to take a break like any other human being. In addition, a father needs to start helping her with the chores and everything else. Because major negative consequences will result unless he starts to cooperate, such as divorce or even domestic violence. For example, research showed that the highest divorce rates are caused by the negative attitude that some husbands tend to show towards their wives. Consequently, the changes occuring in a family that leads to distortion in its structure are not always the best thing to happen. In conclusion, a lot of edits have been implemented recently to the family's composition and duties. These changes included depending on the mother in everything and not being involved enough as a father. Indeed, this will have a negative impact later on.
The way in which a family
is structured
experienced recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and this
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the roles of each member. Everything is
being taken
care of by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
and the father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings money to support his wife and children without getting involved in actually raising them. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
negatively
affect the harmony among the entire family.

Furthermore
, the increasing burdens of a busy life made it harder for us to commit to our
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsibilites
and our duties towards his beloved ones.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
being overwhelmed
.
Instead
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
lose control.
For instance
, a housewife
usually
spends seventy percent of her time cooking, washing clothes or even helping her son and her daughter with their homework.
Therefore
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
description no longer exists of everyone's roles in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they all depend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
to do these duties for them.

On the contrary
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
needs to take a break like any other human being.
In addition
, a father needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
helping her with the chores and everything else.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences will result unless he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to cooperate, such as divorce or even domestic violence.
For example
, research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the highest divorce rates
are caused
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
husbands tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
towards their wives.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
Possible spelling mistake found.
occuring
in a family that leads to distortion in its structure are not always the best thing to happen.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
edits have
been implemented
recently to the family's composition and duties. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
included depending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
in everything and not
being involved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
as a father.
Indeed
, this will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact later on.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay 1. Do you like joint family or nuclear family why/why not2. In your parents who influenced you the most3. In your brothers/sisters whom do you like very much v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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