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Some people believe charity organization should only offer help to people of their own countries. Others claim that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both opinions and tell which side do you agree? v.2

Some people believe charity organization should only offer help to people of their own countries. Others claim that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. v. 2
In recent times, many organizations take the initiative of aiding others in adverse conditions. Meanwhile, some people believe these intuitions should help in their country only, some others claim that they should assist all over the globe. However, I assent to this statement and will illustrate in further paragraphs. Firstly, an individual’s assist the impoverish people only in their country because they believe that first serves the region then after others. They should aid to the deprived folks first then after others in their province. In addition, they think that if we aid to the people of our region than our economy should grow and that’s the commendable approach. For instance, the United Arab Emirates donated money to their commonwealth regions for calamity relief fund and much more contributed to reestablish them. Also besides, this help will boost the country’s economic growth. Secondly, many individuals argue that the charitable organizations should help wherever the people in need and I certainly agree. Contribute to all over the world for that people perceive that humanity still alive. For example, many associations do the charity in all regions. UNICEF is one of them. Recently, UNICEF donated essential stuff to the north Africans. In addition, provide assistance to everyone, wherever the need arise and be a part of a prosperous world. For instance, in 2014, during an Ebola virus pandemic in Africa, The UAE government donated 300 million for disaster relief with high technological, medical equipment’s and that’s very advantageous for them and with this contribution most of the Africans recuperate between 6 months. Finally, contribute in their regions is one aspect, but assistance to everyone all over the world is significant characteristic. Personally, I believe we are all equal, be helpful for the all the individuals to create a palmy world.
In recent times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations take the initiative of aiding others in adverse conditions. Meanwhile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe these intuitions should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in their country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others claim that they should assist all over the globe.
However
, I assent to this statement and will illustrate in
further
paragraphs.

Firstly
, an individual’s assist
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'impoverish' is correct. If 'impoverish' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the impoverish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that
first
serves the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
then after others. They should aid to the deprived folks
first
then after others in their province.
In addition
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if we aid to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
than our economy should grow and that’s the commendable approach.
For instance
, the United Arab Emirates donated money to their commonwealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
for calamity relief fund and much more contributed to reestablish them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
besides
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
will boost the country’s economic growth.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals argue that the charitable organizations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
wherever the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need and I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. Contribute to all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perceive that humanity
still
alive.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
associations do the charity in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
. UNICEF is one of them. Recently, UNICEF donated essential stuff to the north Africans.
In addition
, provide assistance to everyone, wherever the need arise and be a part of a prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
For instance
, in 2014, during an Ebola virus pandemic in Africa, The UAE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
donated 300 million for disaster relief with high technological, medical equipment’s and that’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advantageous for them and with this contribution most of the Africans recuperate between 6 months.

Finally
, contribute in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
is one aspect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
assistance to everyone all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is significant characteristic.
Personally
, I believe we are all equal, be helpful for the all the individuals to create a palmy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people believe charity organization should only offer help to people of their own countries. Others claim that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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