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Some people become famous at a very young age. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.2

Some people become famous at a very young age. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 2
With the advent of media and technology, it is getting easier for the kids to become famous as one can become a celebrity overnight with his unique talent. Certainly, this aids children with love and support from the people all over the world along with earning money, but there will also be some drawbacks. One evident benefit of gaining popularity for the children at an earlier age is that it brings them a fortune. That is to say, it not only offers them love and affection from the people sitting across the globe, but also helps them to become independent by earning money for themselves. Thus, such children can help their parents by supporting them economically, along with paying their own tuition fees. For instance, Sachin Tendulkar, a famous Indian Cricketer, was selected to play at the State Level, when he was 9 years old, due to his exceptional performance in the school cricket matches. Further, in his Autobiography, he disclosed that he was using his childhood income to support his family and education. On the other hands, there are various drawbacks of Stardom on the young children. Firstly, it is less likely for them to focus on their education, once they become celebrity, which means they will not be able to gain the essential life skills taught in the schools, resulting in a negative impact on their career. Secondly, star kids do not have privacy of personal life. In other words, media journalist follows the famous stars everywhere, even if they are going out with their friends and family, which sometimes is very annoying. Therefore, celebrity kids have to very careful, with their actions and words, otherwise, their fame can be devastating in the fraction of seconds. To conclude, publicity can be considered beneficial for kids as it helps them in making the money along with getting the fame. However, the lack of privacy and limited education makes people feel that it is not advantageous for the young people.
With the advent of media and technology, it is getting easier for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
as one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a celebrity overnight with his unique talent.
Certainly
, this aids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and support from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world along with earning money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there will
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

One evident benefit of gaining popularity for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at an earlier age is that it brings them a fortune.
That is
to say, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offers them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sitting across the globe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
independent by earning money for themselves.
Thus
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their parents by supporting them
economically
, along with paying their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tuition fees.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Indian Cricketer,
was selected
to play at the State Level, when he was 9 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, due to his exceptional performance in the school cricket matches.
Further
, in his Autobiography, he disclosed that he was using his childhood income to support his family and education.

On the other hands, there are various drawbacks of Stardom on the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, it is less likely for them to focus on their education, once they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
celebrity, which means they will not be able to gain the essential life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
taught in the schools, resulting in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their career.
Secondly
, star
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
do not have privacy of personal life.
In other words
, media journalist follows the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
stars everywhere, even if they are going out with their friends and family, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
annoying.
Therefore
, celebrity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful, with their actions and words,
otherwise
, their fame can be devastating in the fraction of seconds.

To conclude
, publicity can
be considered
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in making the money along with getting the fame.
However
, the lack of privacy and limited education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that it is not advantageous for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people become famous at a very young age. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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