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Many famous sports players advertise sports products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Many famous sports players advertise sports products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
Now a day, advertisements have become one of the prominent interfaces to promote products, many sport product companies are using sportsmen as their face of advertising. However, there are both Pros and Cons to decide to do this. Let’s begin by looking into the merits of endorsements by sports persons. Firstly, players can promote certain products in a better way because they themselves use some of these items in their line of work For example, Lionel Messi does the advertisement of an energy drink, which he consumes while playing the game. Because of this reason, his endorsement of the product sounds genuine Secondly, Many people purchase products that are endorsed by their favourite sports person, which helps to increase the sale, thereby, generating employment. Take Virat Kholi for Example, his endorsement towards MRF sports products helped the company to increase its sale of cricket bats by 25% and employment by 32%. In addition, players can make money by doing various types of advertisements. In general, advertisement companies give a huge amount to the players who work for them. Turning Other Side of the Argument, there are some downsides to these celebrity endorsements. Primarily, this could take away the players’ focus of the game. To explain, last year, Virat Kohli, a renowned Indian cricketer, was not able to perform as expected in the Asian Cup. Some people proclaim that this happened because he was featured in loads of advertisements at that time, which took his concentration away from the match. All things consider in the light of the above discussion, it can be concluded that advantages of sports players advertised in sports products outweigh disadvantages.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have become one of the prominent interfaces to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are using sportsmen as their face of advertising.
However
, there are both Pros and Cons to decide to do this.

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Let
’s
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begin
by looking into the merits of
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endorsements
by
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sports
persons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
can promote certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in a better way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these items in their line of work
For example
, Lionel Messi does the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
an energy drink, which he consumes while playing the game.
Because of this
reason, his
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endorsement
of the
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product
sounds genuine
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
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products
that
are endorsed
by their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
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sports
person, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to increase the sale, thereby, generating employment. Take
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kholi
for Example
, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endorsement
towards MRF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to increase its sale of cricket bats by 25% and employment by 32%.
In addition
,
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players
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money by doing various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
In general
,
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advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
give a huge amount to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
who work for them.

Turning Other Side of the Argument, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides to these celebrity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
endorsements
.
Primarily
, this could take away the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players’
focus of the game. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, last year,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
, a renowned Indian cricketer, was not able to perform as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
in the Asian Cup.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
proclaim that this happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
was featured
in loads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
at that time, which took his concentration away from the match.

All things consider in the light of the above discussion, it can
be concluded
that advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
advertised in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
outweigh disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many famous sports players advertise sports products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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