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Some kids become famous at a very young age. Do you think it has more advantages or disadvantages? v.1

Some kids become famous at a very young age. Do you think it has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 1
Becoming popular is a common desire among young people. Furthermore, some children become famous at an early age. This essay will discuss some advantages and disadvantages of this trend. To begin with, becoming famous at an early age can have some important benefits for children’s developing a strong self-confidence and self-esteem. Moreover, becoming famous requires a lot of work, discipline and commitment. For example, nowadays a lot of young children are playing the piano incredibly well. To do so, they have to practise a few hours daily, which is an extremely hard work for a three or four-year- old child. Their work is rewarded in piano competitions and recitals, which are very popular these days. All in all, the desire of being popular has certain benefits for children’s development. On the other hand, the run after success from an early age could also have some serious downsides. It is well-known that the celebrity brings with it a great pressure, many sacrifices and loneliness. Children have no experience and no strength to deal with these difficulties, and pretty often, they fail or quit sooner then it is expected. For example, Mihaela Ursuleasa was a prodigy child; she had been one of the best pianists in Europe before she died at 33 years old because of an overdose. And there are many other examples of celebrities who could not deal with the pressure and started to consume drugs and alcohol. So, becoming famous at an early age can be a dangerous thing and with bad effects in the long term. To conclude, becoming famous during childhood is a widespread trend in today’s world. In my opinion, this situation has more disadvantages than advantages because children have to sacrifice their childhood and they cannot grow naturally. I strongly believe that a child should not be exposed to such a great pressure and effort at a young age.
Becoming popular is a common desire among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
developing a strong self-confidence and self-esteem.
Moreover
, becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work, discipline and commitment.
For example
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are playing the piano
incredibly
well. To do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
a few hours daily, which is an
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work for a three or four-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
child. Their work
is rewarded
in piano competitions and recitals, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular these days. All in all, the desire of being popular has certain benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development.

On the other hand
, the run after success from an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
could
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious downsides. It is well-known that the celebrity brings with it a great pressure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sacrifices and loneliness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have no experience and no strength to deal with these difficulties, and pretty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, they fail or quit
Did you mean "sooner than"?
sooner then
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mihaela
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ursuleasa
was a prodigy child; she had been one of the best pianists in Europe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
at 33 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of an overdose. And there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other examples of celebrities who could not deal with the pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to consume drugs and alcohol.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
thing and with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects in the long term.

To conclude
, becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
during childhood is a widespread trend in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world. In my opinion, this situation has more disadvantages than advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sacrifice their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
childhood and
they cannot grow
naturally
. I
strongly
believe that a child should not
be exposed
to such a great pressure and effort at a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some kids become famous at a very young age. Do you think it has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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