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Some people attracted to jobs that include a great deal of travel. Other peopleprefer jobs that allow them to return to their homes every evening. Which type of job opportunity would you prefer and why? v.1

Some people attracted to jobs that include a great deal of travel. Other peopleprefer jobs that allow them to return to their homes every evening. Which type of job opportunity would you prefer and why? v. 1
Emphasis only on technical subjects which are related to good jobs has become a first priority of people. Therefore, the majority of people reckon that parent education should be taught in schools so that they can become better parents in their future. I completely agree with this rubric and will discuss points in the upcoming paragraphs. Proponents of parental education postulate that having learnt this training, not only will students know about the responsibilities of their future but also will become responsible and good parents after getting married. If children will have knowledge about the future journey and their pupils. Student, after getting married, may guide their juveniles on the right path which may lead to a peaceful and educated society because despite having lived a whole life in children, people do not have an understanding with them. As a result, pupils start doing antisocial activities and become a part of the criminal world which can jeopardize the lives of children and also will eradicate the peace and love into the community. Apart from this, parents are the first teachers of children. Thus, it is quite essential to learn parental education. Having learnt this training, parents can have an understanding with children and pupils may share their views or problems openly with parents because sometimes juveniles do not share personal matters due to parents fear which may lead to child sexual abuse. For illustration, a survey conducted by Oxford University showed that 65% of children have been the victim of sexual abuse by criminals in India because they did not consult with their parents. Self-evidently, these are the points which prove that parental study is quite lucrative. To conclude, having discussed this point of view, I convinced to say that parental learning must be taught in institutions so that they do not face difficulties in future and lead to a peaceful society.
Emphasis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on technical subjects which
are related
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
first
priority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Therefore
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
education should
be taught
in schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this rubric and will discuss points in the upcoming paragraphs.

Proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
education postulate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
this training, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will students know about the responsibilities of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
responsible and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
after getting married. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will have
knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
journey and their pupils. Student, after getting married, may guide their juveniles on the right path which may lead to a peaceful and educated society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
a whole life in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have an understanding with them.
As a result
, pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing antisocial activities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a part of the criminal world which can jeopardize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
also
will eradicate the peace and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
into the community.

Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
teachers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
, it is quite essential to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
this training,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can have an understanding with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and pupils may share their views or problems
openly
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
juveniles do not share personal matters due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
fear which may lead to child sexual abuse. For illustration, a survey conducted by Oxford University
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have been the victim of sexual abuse by criminals in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not consult with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Self-
evidently
, these are the points which prove that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
study is quite lucrative.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
discussed this point of view, I convinced to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
in institutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not face difficulties in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and lead to a peaceful society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people attracted to jobs that include a great deal of travel. Other peopleprefer jobs that allow them to return to their homes every evening. Which type of job opportunity would you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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