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There can be several advantages to spending time living in another country. Talk about one advantage and explain how living in another country provides that advantage. Use details and examples in your response v.1

There can be several advantages to spending time living in another country. Talk about one advantage and explain how living in another country provides that advantage. Use details and examples in your response v. 1
Although many locations need to have houses which are new and for this matter, there are not any space except in the suburbia, some people have the opinion that construction building in the countryside is not a good choice and they should preserve them originally. Personally, I believe that this occurrence can cause many health difficulties in environment and I partially agree with this notion. It is true that the number of people has increased in recent years and the majority of cities have become more congested and polluted. In fact, authorities should make a comprehensive plan in order to control the number of population and also consider many homes for next generations to prevent of affairs which lead to homelesses. I think that governments can build new homes in the suburb of the cities due to fact that the inclusion of cities has finished, and this space is only in the countryside with a good climate where people can experience the beauty of nature. Furthermore through theses development villages will be progress and also this method can reduce the volume of air pollution and traffic jams in the cities. On the other hand, building new homes can cause irreparable damages in surroundings and this issue has several demerits for farmers and gardeners. In other Words, I think that the majority of these people lose their jobs due to the fact that all gardens and champs are located in the countrysides and without right urban planning, we will confront a lot of problems in terms of production of fruits and other things. What is more, this matter can cause climate change because building deteriorate nature, river, and so on. In conclusion, in my view building in the suburbs can be advantageous on condition that the authorities have a good plan for that with the least damage to the environment.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
locations need to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
which are new and for this matter, there are not any space except in the suburbia,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the opinion that construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
in the countryside is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
choice and
they should preserve them
originally
.
Personally
, I believe that this occurrence can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health difficulties in environment and I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion.

It is true that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has increased in recent years and the majority of cities have become more congested and polluted. In fact, authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a comprehensive plan in order to control the number of population and
also
consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
homes for
next
generations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
of affairs which lead to
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "homeless", the plural form of the noun 'homeless'?
homelesses
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can build new homes in the suburb of the cities due to fact that the inclusion of cities has finished, and this space is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the countryside with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
climate where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can experience the beauty of nature.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
through
Did you mean "these"?
theses
development villages will be progress and
also
this method can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the volume of air pollution and traffic jams in the cities.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
new homes can cause irreparable damages in surroundings and this issue has several demerits for farmers and gardeners.
In other Words
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the majority of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their jobs due to the fact that all gardens and champs
are located
in the countrysides and without right urban planning, we will confront
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems in terms of production of fruits and other things.
What is more
, this matter can cause climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
deteriorate nature, river, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, in my view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
in the suburbs can be advantageous on condition that the authorities have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
plan for that with the least damage to the environment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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Arab Proverb

IELTS essay There can be several advantages to spending time living in another country. Talk about one advantage and explain how living in another country provides that advantage. Use details and examples in your response v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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