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What famous person would you like to visit for one hour? Explain why you would like to meet and what would you talk about? v.2

What famous person would you like to visit for one hour? Explain why you would like to meet and what would you talk about? v. 2
Nowadays, in many countries, traffic and transportation issues have garnered a lot of public attention. Some people claim that it is better to live in urban areas than in rural areas to solve traffic and transportation issues. I totally disagree with it since it certainly can lead to many other problems. Firstly, the migration of people from farmlands to cities may lead to a number of demerits. To be more specific, cities are areas of dense population; therefore, it will be difficult to find accomodation or jobs and the qualities of urban life will decrease. In addition, because of the cost of living in cities is quite expensive, it exceeds the reach of a middle family class. As a result, many social problems, such as underemployment, homelessness, may arise. Secondly, this issue will cause more environmental consequences. For instance, as these places are covered by a lot of kind of transportation systems, especially now each individual expects to have an own vehicle, which results in the fact that our environment becomes more severely contaminated/polluted. Also, because the demand for travelling increases, traffic congestion, which is one of the world’s serious problems, will increase. Besides that, dense population could lead to many companies or factories founded. This, as a consequence, is one of main causes which harms directly to our environment. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the movement from countryside to cities is not the good way to solve the traffic and transportation issues. In the future, the government should have other better solutions to combat this issue.
Nowadays, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
have garnered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
public attention.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in urban areas than in rural areas to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. I
totally
disagree with it since it
certainly
can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other problems.

Firstly
, the migration of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from farmlands to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
may lead to a number of demerits. To be more specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are areas of dense population;
therefore
, it will be difficult to find
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
or jobs and the qualities of urban life will decrease.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the cost of living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is quite expensive, it exceeds the reach of a middle family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social problems, such as underemployment, homelessness, may arise.

Secondly
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
will cause more environmental consequences.
For instance
, as these places
are covered
by
Possible agreement error. The noun kind seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of kinds".
a lot of kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
systems,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
each individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
to have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicle, which results in the fact that our environment becomes more
severely
contaminated/polluted.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the demand for travelling increases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion, which is one of the world’s serious problems, will increase.
Besides
that, dense population could lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or factories founded. This, as a consequence, is one of main causes which harms
directly
to our environment.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that the movement from countryside to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. In the future, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should have other better solutions to combat this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay What famous person would you like to visit for one hour? Explain why you would like to meet and what would you talk about? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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