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Some people are attracted to jobs that include a great deal of travel. Other people prefer jobs that allow them to return to their homes every evening. Which type of job opportunity would you prefer and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support yo v.1

Some people are attracted to jobs that include a great deal of travel. Other people prefer jobs that allow them to return to their homes every evening. Which type of job opportunity would you prefer and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support yo v. 1
Nowadays, youngsters tend to move in urban areas while leaving the elders in the countryside, these effects may cause many problems in societies. Desist them for better lifestyle is a callous & emotional approach. It’s like, deceiving in the age of caring for them. Thus, I will explain relatable characteristics to reach the conclusion. To begin with, youngsters choose to live in cities because they might not get enough opportunities in rural areas. In rustic areas, compared to the urban areas, the unemployment rate is higher and per capita income is lower. Generally, more young people are now living in towns, it will form an overcrowded area and this aspect may detrimental for infrastructure. It’s the primary cause of leaving the countryside. For example, Due to this factor, may children learn from these situations and leave their parents behind in rural areas to choose the cities it’s the secondary cause. In addition, youngster believes that if they situated in towns and do a job in a multi-national industry that create a bright future for them as well as for their family. It’s a fatuous decision to locate in towns because elders need their family member in the last couple of years of their life. For instance, if anyone leaves them, it might hard for their state of mind and they might lose their mental stability, may put them into depression. Organizations need to open branches in rustic areas, It might attract a bunch of people and remunerative for their ménage. The government can help the industries to inception of sub-branches in the rural province. Living in rustic is the quality of a discreet man. Family is everything
Nowadays, youngsters tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
while leaving the elders in the countryside, these effects may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in societies. Desist them for better lifestyle is a callous & emotional approach. It’s like, deceiving in the age of caring for them.
Thus
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
relatable characteristics to reach the conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, youngsters choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
opportunities in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. In rustic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, compared to the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, the unemployment rate is higher and per capita income is lower.
Generally
, more young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
living in towns, it will form an overcrowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and this aspect may detrimental for infrastructure. It’s the primary cause of leaving the countryside.
For example
, Due to this factor, may children learn from these situations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their parents behind in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to choose the cities it’s the secondary cause.

In addition
, youngster believes that if they situated in towns and do a job in a multi-national industry that create a bright future for them
as well
as for their family. It’s a fatuous decision to locate in towns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
elders need their family member in the last couple of years of their life.
For instance
, if anyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for their state of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lose their mental stability, may put them into depression.

Organizations need to open branches in rustic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
attract a bunch of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and remunerative for their ménage. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the industries to inception of sub-branches in the rural province. Living in rustic is the quality of a discreet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. Family is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
everything
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people are attracted to jobs that include a great deal of travel. Other people prefer jobs that allow them to return to their homes every evening. Which type of job opportunity would you prefer and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support yo v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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