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some people are attached to jobs that includes a great deal of travel. others prefer jobs that allow them to return to their homes every evening. which type do you prefer? explain your opinion with examples. v.1

some people are attached to jobs that includes a great deal of travel. others prefer jobs that allow them to return to their homes every evening. which type do you prefer? explain your opinion with examples. v. 1
It is argued that television must not be watched by children. While some individuals say that it has an opposing impact on children, I would argue that it brings various benefits to them. On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why some people think that the children’s development can be affected by watching TV. The first reason is that sitting in front of the screen for too long is harmful to children’s health. Many kids these days suffer from health problems such as obesity, short-sighted as prolong watching TV. Another reason is that many TV programs and movies have violent contents and sexual images that are inappropriate for children to watch. These violent movies accidentally put the children into violent behaviours, which ruin their future. On the other hand, I believe that television plays an important role in children’s development. Watching educational TV programs gives children an opportunity to broaden their minds and enrich their knowledge about the world they live in. Discovery Channels or Documentary is the typical examples. These channels not only help children to understand the natural habitat, but also educate them about the importance of protecting our environment. Moreover, watching television helps children whose native languages are not English exposure to the conversational of spoken English. This is a natural learning language method that makes children, enhancing their listening and speaking skills. Kids who absorb English TV programs tend to study English faster and mimic the accent better than kids watching foreign TV channels. In conclusion, although some people say that watching TV damage to children, I would argue that it is beneficial for them.
It
is argued
that television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals say that it has an opposing impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I would argue that it brings various benefits to them.

On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by watching TV. The
first
reason is that sitting in front of the screen for too long is harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
kids these days suffer from health problems such as obesity, short-sighted as prolong watching TV. Another reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV programs and movies have violent contents and sexual images that are inappropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. These violent movies
accidentally
put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, which ruin their future.

On the other hand
, I believe that television plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development. Watching educational TV programs gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
an opportunity to broaden their minds and enrich their knowledge about the world they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. Discovery Channels or Documentary is the typical examples. These channels not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to understand the natural habitat,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
educate them about the importance of protecting our environment.
Moreover
, watching television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
whose native languages are not English exposure to
The phrase 'the conversational of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the conversational of
spoken English. This is a natural learning language method that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, enhancing their listening and speaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Kids who absorb English TV programs tend to study English faster and mimic the accent better than kids watching foreign TV channels.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that watching TV damage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I would argue that it is beneficial for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people are attached to jobs that includes a great deal of travel. others prefer jobs that allow them to return to their homes every evening. which type do you prefer? explain your opinion with examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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