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Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. v. 2
The children are priceless fortune of parents and the children who are born in modern life are more valid. As a result, parents don’t allow their sons to share anything chores in the house such as tidying room, cooking, washing dishes after meals, so on. However, in my opinion, I think we should guide children how to steam; and do housework because of following reasons. First of all, learning how to cook and do housework enhance their independence in real life. When students study at university or college, they have to live in a motel which is far from home. For instance, I have a friend who is a second-year student at university. He complained that he lost 3kg in a month because some restaurants don’t suit his taste. Last month, he was invited to a friend’s wedding and he doesn’t know how to iron shirt. Therefore, cooking and doing housework help them to know how to take care of themselves. Last but not least, learning how to do chores get higher personal responsibility. Cooking themselves, which ensures fresh and nutritious food in order to provide a wide range of nutrition as well as enhance the immune system. It’s a good way to love and care their body and health. For example, when children’s classmates visit their house which is tidy clearly, they will be attracted by tidiness and spend respect and admire to children, especially the daughters. In a nutshell, because of their independence and personal responsibility, I support that parents should teach children how to cook meals and do household chores. It’s recommended that parents share chores with them from the smallest things like fry an egg or washing their bowl after meals and do it regularly.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are priceless fortune of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are born
in modern life are more valid.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their sons to share anything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
such as tidying room, cooking, washing dishes after meals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
However
, in my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to steam; and do housework
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of following reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, learning how to cook and do housework enhance their independence in real life. When students study at university or college, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a motel which is far from home.
For instance
, I have a friend who is a second-year student at university. He complained that he lost
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "3 kg"
3kg
in a month
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restaurants don’t suit his taste. Last month, he
was invited
to a friend’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wedding and
he doesn’t know how to iron shirt.
Therefore
, cooking and doing housework
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to know how to take care of themselves.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, learning how to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher personal responsibility. Cooking themselves, which ensures fresh and nutritious food in order to provide a wide range of nutrition
as well
as enhance the immune system. It’s a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care their body and health.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
classmates visit their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
which is tidy
clearly
, they will
be attracted
by tidiness and spend respect and admire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
the daughters.

In a nutshell,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their independence and personal responsibility, I support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to cook meals and do household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
. It’s recommended that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
with them from the smallest things like fry an egg or washing their bowl after meals and do it
regularly
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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