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Reasearch has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Reasearch has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. v. 1
In several countries, there is a significant decline in the number of senior citizens, and conversely, the proportion of productive aged individuals surges exponentially. This essay will argue that the merits of this phenomenon outweigh the drawbacks because the surge of young adult citizens brings many advantages for the countries such as having an adequate number of workforce in developing their countries. On the one hand, decreasing number of senior citizens in various nations lead to social issues for the mainstream societies since many elderly people act as advisors for the communities. In Indonesia, for instance, a majority of people seek a piece of advice to senior citizens when they face problems. Consequently, if the nations lose a large number of older people, the communities will lose their role models as well as the trusted counsellors. As a result, many social problems in society are unsolved. On the other hand, having a significant number of young generations brings huge benefits for the nations as they can be employed as a workforce in developing the nations. India, for example, has the largest number of productive aged people and as the matters of fact, this nation has proven as among the countries in the world having the fastest improvement in various sectors such as health and education. Thus, it is predicted that in several decades to come, India as able to be considered one of the developed nations in the world. To sum up, the benefits of an increasing number of young adults have far outweighed the drawback because productive age people are able to contribute more to their national development.
In several countries, there is a significant decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, and
conversely
, the proportion of productive aged individuals surges
exponentially
. This essay will argue that the merits of this phenomenon outweigh the drawbacks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the surge of young adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for the countries such as having an adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of workforce in developing their countries.

On the one hand, decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
lead to social issues for the mainstream societies since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
act as advisors for the communities. In Indonesia,
for instance
, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seek a piece of advice to senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
when they face problems.
Consequently
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
lose a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the communities will lose their role models
as well
as the trusted
Possible spelling mistake. 'counsellors' is British English.
counsellors
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social problems in society
are unsolved
.

On the other hand
, having a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of young generations brings huge benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
as they can
be employed
as a workforce in developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. India,
for example
, has the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of productive aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and as the matters of fact, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
has proven as among the countries in the world having the fastest improvement in various sectors such as health and education.
Thus
, it
is predicted
that in several decades to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
, India as able to
be considered
one of the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in the world.

To sum up, the benefits of an increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of young adults have far outweighed the drawback
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
productive age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to contribute more to their national development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Reasearch has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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