Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

some people think that people can be encouraged to take up sport through sporting events such as Olympics. However, others think that there are better ways to encourage adults to do exercise. discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

some people think that people can be encouraged to take up sport through sporting events such as Olympics. However, others think that there are better ways to encourage adults to do exercise. v. 1
It is thought by some that major sporting events such as the Olympics encourage people to do sports while there are others who consider that adults can be motivated to engage in exercises in other ways. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the latter. If we consider the benefits of having sporting events to encourage adults to do sports, firstly, people can be easily motivated and inspire by letting them see the actual success of the world-class sportsman and their exiting way of living. Moreover, a healthy and active lifestyle of such personals is a promising factor to motivate adults. For example, their well-formed bodies and recognition the stars receiving all over the world can ignite the passion for sports and exercise in many. If there are no chances for people to experience such events, people cannot see and feel the actual benefits of sports and healthy life. Secondly, not only adults but also children get inspired and as a result, in the future, they will automatically adapt to a healthy and active lifestyle. On the other hand, we should take into account that holding such event in a country is an extremely expensive task, as well as not many, can even afford to buy tickets to see such event. Instead, governments can use that money to advance existing sporting facilities, building new facilities and promoting sports. In addition, to increase enthusiasm, governments can reduce the prices of healthy foods such as organic diets and sports equipment. Conversely, people are always thinking about money when it comes to involving in any sport or activity, therefore, it is more beneficial to offer the financial benefits to people without wasting exponential amount of money to host sporting events. As a matter of fact, to motivate an adult to do something new, money plays a profound role. In conclusion, although there are some benefits of having prime sporting events, the proper investment of money to develop sporting facilities and giving financial advantages to people are more effective.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that major sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as the Olympics encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
while there are others who consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
can
be motivated
to engage in exercises in other ways. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter.

If we consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of having sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
easily
motivated and inspire by letting them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the actual success of the world-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
sportsman and their exiting way of living.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and active lifestyle of such personals is a promising factor to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
For example
, their well-formed bodies and recognition the stars receiving all over the world can ignite the passion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and exercise in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. If there are no chances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to experience such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and feel the actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life.
Secondly
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired and
as a result
, in the future, they will
automatically
adapt to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and active lifestyle.

On the other hand
, we should take into account that holding such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in a country is an
extremely
expensive task,
as well
as not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, can even afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tickets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
.
Instead
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to advance existing sporting facilities, building new facilities and promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
In addition
, to increase enthusiasm,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
foods such as organic diets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipment.
Conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always thinking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to involving in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or activity,
therefore
, it is more beneficial to offer the financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without wasting exponential amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to host sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. As a matter of fact, to motivate an adult to do something new,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays a profound role.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of having prime sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, the proper investment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to develop sporting facilities and giving financial advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more effective.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that people can be encouraged to take up sport through sporting events such as Olympics. However, others think that there are better ways to encourage adults to do exercise. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts