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Some people argue that it is not wise for and industries to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. To what extend do you agree or dis agree? v.2

Some people argue that it is not wise for and industries to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v. 2
There are various industries in the world with different activities which are needed different range of workers or employees from young to old age man. But, through this, I believe that industries are likely better to use and replace old age individuals to young and energetic persons. First and for most, younger employees are more energetic since they are young and vibrant and have huge power to work. They are healthier to comparison old age people and can do hard and dangerous works as in some jobs such as mining, the physical activities are in high level which old people can not tolerate under these work pressure. In addition, when young people are replaced with old people, they probably have more creativity, because they are more updated. For instance, young graduated of universities are a very freshman and seeking new ideas to make a novel innovation as they are like to achieve fame and reputation. In contrary, some people argue that industrious old individuals have critical roles in industries due to of acquaintance of them to different aspects of those works and it makes a large time for them to reach this situation. However, this is an important point, I believe the industries can handle this issue. Before the replacement of individuals the old age can transfer their experience to younger men through some workshops or internship under them and prepare Younger people for receiving new positions. In conclusion, I believe the energy and creativity of young people could be more critical and also useful for industries, although they need to aware from various aspect of works by experienced and old people before retiring them.
There are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
in the world with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities which
are needed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
range of workers or employees from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, through this, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
are likely better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and energetic persons.

First
and for most, younger employees are more energetic since they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and vibrant and have huge power to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They are healthier to comparison
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and can do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
works as in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs such as mining, the physical activities are in high level which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not tolerate under these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure.

In addition
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are replaced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they
probably
have more creativity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more updated.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
graduated of universities are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
freshman and seeking new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a novel innovation as they are like to achieve fame and reputation.

In contrary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that industrious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
individuals have critical roles in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
due to of acquaintance of them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of those works and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a large time for them to reach this situation.
However
, this is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
can handle this issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the replacement of individuals the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can transfer their experience to younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workshops or internship under them and prepare Younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for receiving new positions.

In conclusion
, I believe the energy and creativity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be more critical and
also
useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
, although they need to aware from various aspect of works by experienced and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
retiring them.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people argue that it is not wise for and industries to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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