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Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v. 1
There is no doubt that over the last few decades more and more women have gotten high-level jobs. While there are quite a lot of people who support the idea of this number is too low and the government should foster companies and organizations to raise it, others tend to disagree with this position. I strongly agree with the former opinion and in this essay, it will be supported with arguments and examples. The main reason why I think the government should not do anything in this area is because this would be an artificial development and it will be a potential host of the issues. This is because CEOs, directors and other top-level managers have got their jobs due to their work results and professional skills. In contrast, if a person without such accomplishments, and based only on her sex, receives such position, this company or organization will face problems caused by unqualified management in the near future. Probably nobody would argue that this is a huge drawback. Another reason why menpower I think it shouldn’t be done is due to the fact that contemporary legislation has proved that the current system is working fine. Indeed, over the last decades the economy shows exponential growth and today’s management has proved its effectiveness. For example, A recent study conducted by the University of London concluded that companies that are managed by men are 90% more successful in the modern market than the ones which are managed by women. Consequently, it is imperative for the government to keep economic growth and save jobs for men and women because without good management everyone will lose. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the public authorities should not force companies and organizations to hire women on managerial positions because it is unnatural thus cause various problems which I described above. After analyzing the subject, it has become evident that the current situation is a result of evolution and must be respected.
There is no doubt that over the last few decades more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have gotten high-level jobs. While there are quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of this number is too low and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should foster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and organizations to raise it, others tend to disagree with this position. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former opinion and in this essay, it will
be supported
with arguments and examples.

The main reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not do anything in this area is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this would be an artificial development and it will be a potential host of the issues. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
CEOs, directors and other top-level managers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
their jobs due to their work results and professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In contrast
, if a person without such accomplishments, and based
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on her sex, receives such position, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or organization will face problems caused by unqualified management in the near future.
Probably
nobody would argue that this is a huge drawback.

Another reason why
Possible spelling mistake found.
menpower
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it shouldn’t
be done
is due to the fact that contemporary legislation has proved that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
system is working fine.
Indeed
, over the last decades the economy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
exponential growth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s management has proved its effectiveness.
For example
, A recent study conducted by the University of London concluded that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that
are managed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are 90% more successful in the modern market than the ones which
are managed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Consequently
, it is imperative for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
economic growth and save jobs for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
management everyone will lose.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that the public authorities should not force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and organizations to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
on managerial positions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is unnatural
thus
cause various problems which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above.
After analyzing the subject
, it has become evident that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation is a result of evolution and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be respected
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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