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Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v. 3
One of the goals of any company is to raise its profit thus they have different methods of recruiting employees. I strongly agree with idea that changing the old practiced staff with the novice unskilled ones is not logical. Factories would move toward creating more innovative products and leave its stationary position in the market if they apply new young work force and use their Intelligence. Being dynamic and motivated, youth can provide more opportunity and create a new idea to present new products. Furthermore, because of the fresh energy and physical ability which new workers have, they would work more efficiently than the elderly ones in either physical or mental work and are more adaptable in case of long shifts which may any staff have, thus the yields and output of the company will be increased. However, some people think it is not sense to substitute the old experienced employees with the new young amateur ones. Although the old staff earn valuable experience during the work, we should consider their job attitude belongs to the previous generation and not enough up to date to respond to the new requirements of the modern world. In conclusion, a skilled labour is as essential as an unskilled one in an industry. They both integrate together in order to form a sustainable industry. I think if factories provide more chance for the youngsters and trust their abilities and use their physical potential for work can gain more profit and stay in the most competitive and up to the minute market.
One of the goals of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is to raise its profit
thus
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods of recruiting employees. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that changing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
practiced staff with the novice unskilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
is not logical.

Factories would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
toward creating more innovative products and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
its stationary position in the market if they apply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
force and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their Intelligence. Being dynamic and motivated, youth can provide more opportunity and create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
products.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fresh energy and physical ability which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
workers have, they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
efficiently
than the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in either physical or mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and are more adaptable in case of long shifts which may any staff have,
thus
the yields and output of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will
be increased
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not sense to substitute the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
experienced employees with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
young amateur
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Although the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
staff earn valuable experience during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, we should consider their job attitude belongs to the previous generation and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
up to date to respond to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
requirements of the modern world.

In conclusion
, a skilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is as essential as an unskilled one in an industry. They both integrate together in order to form a sustainable industry. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if factories provide more chance for the youngsters and trust their abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their physical potential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can gain more profit and stay in the most competitive and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
up to the minute
market.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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