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Young students should be taught to use computers in primary school. How far do you agree or disagree with statement? v.2

Young students should be taught to use computers in primary school. How far v. 2
Computers are an indispensable part of our modern life which without them human life will be faced with numerous problems. Regarding this, I strongly believe, teaching computers skills is essential for children in primary school. First, teaching computers to the children make them more capable in a future life as our life ties to computer skills. Some activities such as accounting, trade, selling and buying or learning educational contents. For example, in high school or university, students needed to research and present their information by some software such as power point and office word, without computers knowledge would be impossible. In addition, learning computer skills are easier in early age than the old age due to many reasons, for instance, a high level of energy, high curiosity and motivation to learn and discover new things. These features in children make them more susceptible and provide a suitable context to learn computer considerably fast. In contrary, some people argue that teaching computers in primary schools weak them in their schools as they mentioned the teaching computers usually is done by gaming, so it attracts children to game with computers rather than doing their homework and assignments. However, I think this issue could be managed by parents and teachers easily. They can handle their children by flexible supervision and suitable planning and making certain time for gaming and work with computers. In conclusion, I agree to teach computers to the children at early age which is not only they are energetic and motivated but also it has high importance in the future life of them.
Computers are an indispensable part of our modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which without them human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will
be faced
with numerous problems. Regarding this, I
strongly
believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in primary school.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
computers to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more capable in a future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
ties to computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
activities such as accounting, trade, selling and buying or learning educational contents.
For example
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school or university, students needed to research and present their information by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
software such as
Did you mean "PowerPoint" (= Microsoft presentation software)?
power point
and office word, without computers knowledge would be impossible.

In addition
, learning computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are easier in early age than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons,
for instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
level of energy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
curiosity and motivation to learn and discover new things. These features in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more susceptible and provide a suitable context to learn computer
considerably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.

In contrary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
computers in primary schools weak them in their schools as they mentioned the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
computers
usually
is done
by gaming,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it attracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to game with computers
rather
than doing their homework and assignments.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this issue could
be managed
by parents and teachers
easily
. They can handle their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by flexible supervision and suitable planning and making certain time for gaming and work with computers.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to teach computers to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at early age which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they are energetic and motivated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
importance in the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of them.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Young students should be taught to use computers in primary school. How far v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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